


Swords of the Hunter

by badel811



Category: Highlander - All Media Types, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: All the Characters are Immortals, Arthurian, Flashbacks, Historical References, In more ways than one, It's also really gay, M/M, Only adding tags as I post chapters so as not to give away the story, Swordplay, except the ones who aren't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25726975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badel811/pseuds/badel811
Summary: Eren Yeager is an 800 year old Immortal who has become bored and depressed with his existence. Then a lot of things hit him at once: his old friend/rival returns in need of his help, he's confronted by an insane megalomaniac determined to take his Head, the man that broke his heart 300 years ago comes back into his life, AND he has to embark on a quest to recover a magic sword that may or may not even exist.And then there's his new Watcher. The kid with the sunshine colored hair who laughs at all Eren's dumb jokes and who Eren suddenly can't get out of his mind. What is the deal with THAT?In short, it's the Attack on Titan/Highlander AU that literally nobody asked for.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager (Past)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 89





	1. The Immortal Question

_I have got to stop going into that bar_ , Eren thought to himself.

For the third time that week, he was walking home from another wasted night at _Passion_ , the idiotically named gay bar that was only a few blocks from where he lived.

Every night was the same: Eren would sit at the bar and nurse a couple of drinks, watching the college kids make fools of themselves on the dancefloor while fending off advances from older men who wanted to be his "daddy."

_If only they knew how old I ACTUALLY was._

He wasn't even sure why he kept coming. It gave him something to do other than brooding at home, anyway. And they did make a pretty good Sazerac. Hard to find those outside of New Orleans. 

Eren was ruminating on this when his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar buzz that seemed to echo through his brain. Suddenly much more alert, he looked around for the source.

_What the hell is this? No one else I know lives around here, and I'm not expecting visitors._

The buzz was directing him towards the alley in front of him. As he turned the corner, he saw a man in a long coat that looked like his own. In his hand was a sword, glinting in the moonlight. Eren idly noted it was a Spanish rapier. 

Eren inclined his head slightly. "Eren Yeager."

The other man bowed. "Nile Dok."

"Are you looking for me? Because I wasn't looking for you," Eren said.

"No, I'm just passing through. But, I wouldn't mind playing since we're here," Nile said, nodding at his sword.

Eren sighed. It had been awhile since he'd had to do this, and he wasn't really in the mood.

"You sure about this? We don't have to, you know. We can just walk away."

Nile lifted his sword up to his face in a salute before whipping it back down. 

"Call it a compulsion, old boy."

_Goddamn it._

Eren shook his jacket off, it dropped to the ground. He reached behind him and grasped the hilt of his sword, carefully concealed at the small of his back with a specially made brace. He drew it, feeling the familiar weight in his hands. His blade was custom made, an elongated Roman Spatha style sword that also had a longer hilt to accomodate both hands. Eren had discovered it was the perfect size to keep in his back brace while walking around in public.

Eren felt the adrenaline pumping now, the familiar feelings rushing back to him. He watched everything: Nile's eyes, his sword, his feet, the ground around them. Then Nile struck out with the rapier, and Eren parried. Nile followed up with another thrust that again Eren parried. Eren attacked now, an overhand swing that Nile ducked: the blade bounced off the brick wall of the alley.

Both fighters now circled each other: Eren with his sword raised above his hand in a fighting stance, Nile's pointed straight out in front of him. The blades collided again, sparks flashing. Nile's face was contorted into a concentrated grimace as he attacked again, Eren was sure his face looked the same as he parried. Another strike brought them nose to nose, blades pushing against each other. Nile headbutted Eren, who stumbled back with a grunt, swinging blindly with one arm. He felt the sword bite and heard Nile hiss with pain: he looked up to see Nile's non sword arm had been cut

Nile struck out again with a lunge, Eren sidestepped it and tried to swing his sword down as Nile went past, but Nile was too fast and parried: Eren countered by kicking Nile in the stomach, forcing him backwards. He slammed against the brick wall, still keeping his sword in front of him, but Eren had seen his opening. He forced Nile to parry high, then let go of his sword with one hand, which he used to pin Nile's wrist to the brick wall, trapping the rapier. With his other hand, he took his own sword and slashed across Nile's middle, slicing him open.

Nile groaned as the blade hit home. Eren let go of him and he collapsed to the ground, sword clattering on the pavement.

"Ugh, I should have listened to you and walked away, I guess. But, haven't done that in 300 years, why start now?"

Eren shook his head. "Sorry Nile."

Nile laughed. "There can be only one, Eren Yeager. Now do it already and be on your way."

Then he dropped to his hands and knees, exposing his neck.

Eren raised his sword over his head, and slashed down, decapitating the other man with one efficient stroke. After a few seconds, lightning flashed out of the sky and struck Eren before fanning out in all directions. Eren raised his sword into the air as he felt the Quickening surge through him, crying out as the power was absorbed into his very being.

And then it was over, with a rumble of thunder. Nile's body was gone, only his sword remained. Eren sheathed his own sword and put his coat back on before picking up the rapier from the ground. He concealed the sword in an inner pocket of his coat and buttoned it up. If he could get it home, it wouldn't look out of place amongst all the other swords he had.

As he turned to leave, he thought he saw a flash of blonde hair at the other end of the alley. When he looked up, nothing was there. He smiled anyway, figuring that like usual, he was being watched.

  
******

  
"Damn it, Nile Dok, did you HAVE to fuck up my sword before you left?" Eren grumbled out loud. The Spatha had several nicks and dents in the blade, and he was stunned to see a sliver of the tip had broken off, presumably when he smacked it against the brick wall.

The night before, he hadn't had a chance to look at the sword, as he collapsed into bed straight away as soon as he returned to his apartment above his metalworking shop. As usual, he was exhausted after the fight and the Quickening. But now it was the next morning, and the first thing he'd done after he'd woken up was to take his sword out of the sheathe and examine it.

There was no way he was ever using this sword again. He already didn't like reusing swords that had taken Heads, but especially not swords that were damaged like this one was. Sure, he could probably resharpen it and buff out most of the imperfections, and would probably be able to use it again no problem. But what if there was an unseen flaw in the metal, and it broke during his next fight? That could cost Eren his life. After being alive for over 800 years, he was paranoid about that kind of thing.

 _It's not like I don't have extras,_ he thought to himself. He went to a walk in closet in the hallway next to his bedroom and flipped on the light. There were at least fifty swords in here, collected over the years, sometimes from defeated Immortals, sometimes scavenged from battlefields, and sometimes just purchased from auction houses or private collections. Some of them would be taken downstairs to the shop to be listed for sale, and some he just liked to look at. It gave him a variety of weapons to choose from for his replacement blade.

Eren decided on a medieval hand and a half sword, after testing the weight in his hand and swinging it a few times. He'd gotten it from a collector a few years ago, it was in pristine condition. He figured he might have to file down the wide crossguard so it wouldn't dig into his back when it was in his brace.

As he went downstairs to the shop, he thought about the night before. The fight had been exhilarating. He hadn't taken a Head in five years, he didn't go out of his way to play the Game these days, bloodshed without purpose was just cruelty, after all. But still, feeling that Quickening last night almost made him want to go out and do it again.

The truth was, Eren was bored. With everything. He had settled into a quiet existence in this college town for going on 15 years now, making anime swords for dorky students with too much money and fixing and reshaping classic car parts for old men who also had too much money. His Immortal friends and acquaintances were scattered across the globe, but he had little compulsion to go visit them. He didn't want them to see him in this....malaise.

He'd been alive for 845 years, and he was beginning to wonder what the point of it all was. AND he had been thinking of Levi a lot recently too. The bastard. That didn't help things.

Maybe that was why he kept going to _Passion_ , so he could watch the college kids, boys who were just starting their lives, having fun just being themselves. The simplicity of it all made Eren nostalgic.   
And lately there'd been that blonde kid. The one who sat on the other end of the bar, as far away from Eren as he could get, the one who did a TERRIBLE job of pretending not to stare. It made Eren smile just thinking about it. He'd have to go back there again tonight of course, he knew he'd be there.

  
******

  
Eren hadn't had any customers all day, which left him plenty of time to mess with the new sword's crossguard, as well as break apart the old one and melt down the pieces, so he wouldn't have to look at the damn thing anymore. Then he played some video games. Eren liked video games. He didn't understand why older people didn't want to play them. He remembered the toys HE'D played with as a kid. PlayStations were much better.

Now it was time to hit the bar. Man, what a depressing phrase. After getting dressed, he secured the new sword's sheathe into the brace and put it on, then shrugged on his oversized black duster coat. The one that made him look like a vampire, according to some kid two weeks ago. He checked his appearance in the mirror to make sure the sword wasn't visible, then off he went.

 _Passion_ was more crowded than last night. He'd forgotten it was Friday. He pushed his way through the crowd and surprisingly found his usual seat at the bar unoccupied, so he slid into it.

"The usual, Eren?" Christa, the bartender said, flashing him a glimpse of her perfect teeth.

"Am I that predictable?"

Christa rolled her eyes. "You order the most pretentious drink imaginable, Eren. Did you expect me to forget?"

"Sazeracs are NOT pretentious!"

"Anything that needs absinthe AND a specific brand of bitters is definitely pretentious."

It was Eren's turn to roll his eyes. "Shut up and make my drink, Christa, or I won't tip you tonight."

Christa laughed. "You do that and I'll have Ymir turn you inside out."

Eren glanced over at the door, and the formidable bouncer who was also Christa's girlfriend. As if she heard her name, she turned to look at them, and flashed Eren an evil look.

"Yikes. Where'd you find her, anyway? Unsanctioned pit fights?"

Christa laughed again but didn't reply, turning away to make his drink. Christa was a nice girl, working at the bar to help pay her way through school. He enjoyed talking to her, she always had such interesting stories about life on campus. Eren had attended a couple different colleges in his life, but not for the last 200 years. Things had definitely changed.

The crowd parted and there was his blonde friend, perched on a stool at the other end of the bar. On cue, he glanced over to where Eren was sitting, then quickly back down at his drink. Eren grinned.

Christa came back over, Sazerac in hand. As he took it, he nodded over to the blonde.

"Hey, can you tell me anything about the Cabbage Patch Kid over there? The blonde one?"

Christa looked over at him. 

"Hmm. I haven't seen him around school, but that doesn't mean he doesn't go there. He's been coming here the last couple weeks, always sits over there, and never orders anything with alcohol in it."

"Did he say why?"

"I think he said he was a designated driver, but I've never seen him come in here with anyone, it's kinda weird."

Eren sipped his drink.

"I'm gonna go play with him a little."

Christa chuckled.

"Well don't scare him off! Even my non alcoholic customers tip me, you know."

"Trust me, I don't think he's going anywhere. You wanna make a bet with me?"

"Go on."

"I bet you the cost of this drink that I can make that kid turn cherry tomato red and shake his head like a dog with a bone within 2 minutes of going over there."

"What are you going to do? Offer to finger him on the dance floor?"

"Please! I have class! Just watch."

Eren made his way across the room, nursing his Sazerac. The blonde glanced up again and his eyes went wide as saucers when he caught sight of Eren sauntering towards him. 

"Hey man, how are you tonight?" Eren said, oozing charm. The kid looked dumbfounded for a second, then managed to stutter out a "Fine" in a small voice. 

"So, I've been in here every night the last two weeks, and every night I've seen you pretending to not look at me like I'm the most interesting person on Earth. So I figured I'd come over here and save you some time."

"Time? What are you talking about?"

"First, let's do the civil thing. What's your name?"

The kid just blinked at him a second. "Umm...Armin."

"Hi, Armin. My name is Eren. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"What? No I didn't!" Armin said, face going red. He shook his head violently. 

_Man, that was easy._ Eren put a thumbs up over his head, back across the bar he heard Christa say "Dammit!"

"No see, you know who I am, Armin. And I know who you are. Your tells are pretty obvious if you know what to look for."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, let's see. You've been in here the last two weeks, every night that I'm here. I'm going to guess if I asked Christa if you come in here when I'm not here, she'll say no. You never order alcohol, supposedly because you're a designated driver, but you're always in here alone. You're always wearing long sleeves, because you've got a tattoo on your arm you don't want people to see. Plus...."

Eren paused for dramatic effect, sipping his drink.

"....I saw you last night, while I was engaged in that unfortunate business with Mr. Nile Dok. That sunshine hair of yours is very distinctive. You might invest in a hat if future stealth missions are in order."

Armin had been growing steadily paler the longer Eren went on, and now he resembled a sheet.

"Look buddy, I don't know who you think I am, but..."

"Now now, Armin. Good boys don't lie. You and I both know you're my new Watcher."

Armin gaped like a fish.

"You have a terrible poker face, Armin. If I didn't know before, I definitely do now."

Eren downed his drink, setting the glass on the bar.

"Well, I'm off. Have a good night, Armin! Try not to freak out too much, and tell Erwin I said hi!"

He patted the boy on the shoulder, then spun around and headed back to Christa.

"He looks like you kicked him in the dick," Christa observed when Eren returned. "What the hell did you say to him?"

Eren grinned devilishly. "Oh, I told him I pegged him as the kinda guy that likes to watch, but not touch. Regular Peeping Tom, that one."

Christa gasped. "Eren, you're so mean!"

Eren laughed. "Well, I think I'll call it a night." He pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and handed it to Christa.

"Keep the change, my dear."

"Eren! That's too much!"

"Believe me, I don't need it." (In fact, like many Immortals, Eren had a considerable sum of money stashed in a Swiss bank account. Last he checked it was several million dollars.)

"However! I'm coming back for that drink tomorrow, so don't think I forgot! And you'll see my new friend Armin again too."

"How do you know that? I'm pretty sure he hates you right now."

"Trust me, Christa. It's like I said: he likes to watch."

And with that, he strolled towards the exit, pursued by Christa's laughter. He flashed his best grin at Armin as he left, Armin refusing to look at him.

_Well, that was fun!_


	2. Armin Interrupted

_Okay, don't freak out, don't freak out, DON'T FREAK OUT!_

Armin was freaking out. 

He was walking home as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself, all the while inner turmoil raged in his mind.

_This isn't supposed to happen! Immortals aren't supposed to know about us! How? How does Eren know? Is it my fault? 2,000 years of secrecy out the window because dumb Armin was too obvious? Jesus I've only been an active Watcher for three weeks and I'm already going to be fired!_

He got back to his apartment and the first thing he did was go to his bedroom and find his OTHER cell phone, the one with the Watcher contacts in it. Shaking, he hit the number he wanted and put the phone to his ear.

"Erwin Smith speaking."

"Mr. Smith, it's Armin."

"Ah, hello Armin! You settling in alright?"

"Mr. Smith, I've got a big problem."

"What do you mean, what's wrong?"

"Eren....he came up to me at the bar tonight....he..."

"Hold on Armin, let me stop you right there."

There was a pause, and Armin heard a slurping sound. It sounded like Erwin was drinking coffee or tea or something.

"I'm going to guess that the next thing you're going to say is that Eren told you that he knew you were his Watcher, am I right?"

Armin stared at the phone in disbelief.

"I take it by your silence that I'm correct?"

Armin was snapped back to reality.

"Yeah, but how did you know?"

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line.

"Because this isn't the first time it's happened, Armin."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Eren has known about the Watchers for the last hundred years. He's figured out the last four people before you we sent to watch him within a month. He makes a game out of it."

"And that's...not a problem? In training they told us that if the Immortals knew about us it'd be a big problem, they might try to kill us."

"Well Armin, you're going to learn that what they taught you in training and what happens out in the real world can at times be two different things. Eren is not the first Immortal to find out about us, and yes, sometimes when they find out, they react violently. But not in Eren's case. He finds our organization interesting, and always wants to be friends with whoever is watching him. In fact, he's been known to protect us from time to time."

"What do you mean?"

"My predecessor as President of the Watchers told me a story once about Eren...."

******

_Thirty Years Previous_

Eren opened his door to find a bald man with a serious expression on his face.

"Keith Shadis! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"We need your help, Eren. Can I come in?"

After Eren had invited Shadis inside and offered him a drink, Eren sat down across from him.

"Now, how I can help my favorite bird watchers club?"

Shadis chuckled. "You're never serious, are you Eren?"

"Seriousness isn't any fun. There's no point living this long if you're not having fun."

"An interesting philosophy. But anyway, as I said, I need your help. An Immortal uncovered their Watcher by accident, and murdered the poor fellow in cold blood."

"And what, you want revenge?"

"Normally we'd just call that the hazards of the profession and move on, but this particular Watcher was carrying a list of other Watchers and their assignments, and seems to be prepared to hunt them all down and kill them too. I'm worried our entire organization could be exposed, or that this Immortal could use our information to hunt down other Immortals, and between you and me, this is not the kind of Immortal that we want winning the Game, especially not with our help."

Eren sat back, hand on his chin thoughtfully.

"You know where this Immortal is?"

"Vienna. They arrived there last night, we think they're tracking another of our agents."

"So you'll take me there, and once there, you want me to find this person, take their Head, and get your list back?"

"Yes."

"Let me pack a bag."

Shadis was surprised he'd agreed so easily.

"You'll help us?"

Eren rolled his eyes. "I haven't been to Vienna in awhile. Besides, Keith, I take care of my friends. Now tell me, who is this Immortal anyway?"

Shadis told him, and Eren smiled. 

"You know, I've been meaning to pay her a visit...."

******

"How appropriate," Eren remarked when they arrived. They were standing outside the Vienna State Opera, one of the largest and most impressive buildings on the Ringstrasse. 

"You're sure she's in there?"

Shadis nodded. "She moved in there a couple days ago. Nobody else should be in there today, the opera season ended two weeks ago."

"Fine. Wait here."

Eren walked inside, remembering a performance of Don Giovanni he'd attended here just after the Opera opened back in 1870. The sound of his boots echoed in the cavernous lobby. He made his way to the performance hall. The Buzz hit him just as he climbed on stage. He drew his sword, for this occasion a British Pattern 1796 Heavy Cavalry sword. 

She appeared a few seconds later, sword already out. A pirate cutlass. _How appropriate_ , Eren thought.

"Hello Annie," Eren said.

She spotted him and her eyes narrowed.

"Eren Yeager? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Why do you think?" he said, pointing his sword at her.

"You don't hunt Heads, you're one of those 'noble' ones."

Eren laughed. "Ha! Well I'm making an exception. I've got a bone to pick with you, Ms. Leonhart. Or at least with your old alter ego, Grace O'Malley."

She looked at him in confusion. 

"Don't play dumb! 1595, in the Irish Sea. You sank my ship. I had to swim to shore, I died like three times!"

"That was 400 years ago!" she protested.

"And yet we're both still here. You knew I was on that ship and you left me out there anyway."

"I knew AN Immortal was on the ship, I didn't know it was you!"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"You're ridiculous, Yeager. You're going to put your life on the line for THAT?"

"Stop stalling, Annie. You want a reason to fight me? Fine. You remember your old buddy Reiner Braun?"

Her eyes widened.

"You didn't..."

"I did."

Her eyes narrowed again, and a cold look came across her face.

"You want to play, Eren? Fine. I'll pry Reiner's memories out of that empty head of yours!"

And she ran at him, sword raised to slash. Eren blocked the first hit and backed away from the second.

 _She's fast_ , he thought.

The two continued to trade blows, whirling around each other like the climatic scene of a stage production. It was too bad nobody was in the audience, Eren decided. This would make for a hell of a show. 

She almost got him at one point. As their swords came together once again, he caught a flash of moment out of the corner of his eye and reacted just fast enought to block the dagger she was attempting to stick him with with his free hand. 

"Well that's not very sporting, Annie," he grunted, twisting her wrist and forcing her to drop the knife.

"I'm a pirate, remember?" she snarled back. She yanked her wrist free and backed up a few steps, right where Eren wanted her to.

"That's fair. Guess I shouldn't feel bad when I do this then."

He slashed down at a rope next to him, cutting it in two. With a snapping noise, a sandbag it had been holding up came crashing down, smashing into catwalks and stage lights and other equipment, breaking it loose and causing even more destruction to come hurtling down towards the stage. Eren dived off the stage into the orchestra pit to avoid the debris. Annie wasn't so lucky. The whole tangled mess came down on top of her with a tremendous boom that echoed throughout the performance hall. 

Eren climbed back onstage after the dust settled, ducking sparks and twisted metal until he found Annie, her legs pinned, sword nowhere to be found. She was struggling to get free, but stopped when she saw him.

"Guess you're not as noble as I thought," she said. "I'm impressed."

"You're not going to be impressed in a second when I take your Head, Annie."

"Would it help if I said I was sorry? You know, for sinking your ship?"

"It might make me feel better if you actually meant it. Oh, one more thing: Keith Shadis says hello."

She threw her head back and laughed.

"Ah, I should have known you were working for those goddamn Watchers."

Deciding that was enough conversation for one day, Eren raised his arm and hacked down, cutting Annie's head off and dropping her body to the stage floor.

His friend Jean had once described the Quickening as the greatest orgasm of all time, and he wasn't far off. The sheer amount of power that surged through Eren as he absorbed Annie's Quickening was intoxicating, and he closed his eyes to drink it all in as the lightning flashed and sparked around him. He opened his eyes, figuring it was over, but one final jolt snapped another rope and a sandbag came down and hit him square in the head, covering him in sand.

"Mutter Ficken!"

******

When Eren came back out of the Opera House, he was still irritated.

"Here's your damn list," he said, shoving it into Shadis' hands.

"Thank y-"

Eren pointed a finger at him.

"Do NOT thank me, Shadis. You are buying me dinner tonight, at 8 o'clock, at Griechenbeisl. And after we go home, at some point in the near future, I'm going to find a bottle of absinthe in my mailbox. The good shit, none of that Bohemian crap. Now I'm going back to the hotel for a bath."

******

_Present Day_

"Wow," Armin said. "Also, what is his deal with absinthe?"

Erwin chuckled. "I suspect that after living for over 800 years, it's not hard to develop certain....eccentricities. He's been drinking it since at least the 1880s, maybe before."

"Mr. Smith, what am I..."

"No, not Mr. Smith. You call me Erwin, Armin. Let's practice now."

"...Erwin."

"Better. Now continue."

"Okay, _Erwin_ , what am I supposed to do now that Eren knows who I am?"

Erwin chuckled again. "Well, I'd suggest tomorrow night coming up to him at the bar and talk to him. Let him know he doesn't intimidate you. After that he'll want to be your friend. He likes to get to know his Watchers. Sometimes he asks us for things, and sometimes we ask him for things. It's an easy assignment, Armin. That's why I gave him to you, since you're just out of training."

Armin sighed. "Okay."

"Just relax, Armin. You've read his file, he's never killed an innocent person in over 800 years. Not many Immortals can say that. He's not going to hurt you, and you're not going to blow it." 

The reassuring words succeeded in calming Armin down. 

"Now, get some rest. Oh, by the way, we've got a report here that an Immortal named Nile Dok was possibly heading in your direction. His Watcher lost track of him, so keep an eye out and tell us if you spot him."

"Oh, I already saw him."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was going to tell you. Eren ran into him while he was walking home from the bar last night. They...well..."

"Did Eren kill him?" 

The abruptness of the statement startled Armin, but he figured with the business he was in now, he was just going to have to get used to that.

"Yes."

"Hmm, not surprising. But that's good to know. I'll have to reassign his Watcher somewhere else. So you saw your first fight. Was it as exciting as you thought it would be?"

Armin chuckled nervously.

"Yeah, that's how I felt the first time I saw one. Alright, go to sleep Armin."

There was a beep as Erwin hung up the phone.

Armin put his Watcher phone away, head still spinning from the night's events.

_I need a drink._

******

Following Erwin's advice, when he walked into _Passion_ the next night, he walked right up to where Eren was sitting in his usual spot. Eren spotted him and broke out into a grin.

"Well, look at you! Ditched the incognito look, huh? You look good, kid!"

Armin leaned against the bar. "I'm not a kid. And Erwin told me to tell you to stop picking on me."

"When you get to my age, Armin, you're ALL kids. And of course he did, the old softie. Anyway, I've had my fun, let me buy you a drink, we can talk."


	3. This Friendship Has Sailed

Eren liked Armin. He really did. But he was going to go crazy if he couldn't find a way to get that kid to shut up. That first night, in the bar, he hadn't been very talkative. Sure, he answered questions Eren asked him, but he wasn't exactly forthcoming.

Eren had made a deal with his new Watcher that night, the same deal he made with all his other Watchers:

"You don't have to follow me everywhere, Armin. Give me your number, and I'll call you if I'm going to go anywhere, or if I do anything remotely interesting, like another one of those charming duels to the death. And once a week, you come by the shop, check to make sure I'm still alive. This way you don't have to sneak around behind me like a lovestruck teenager."

Armin had blushed at that, but he'd written down his cell phone number on a napkin and given it to him. Eren had expected him to keep his distance, at least at first. While he'd eventually become friends with all his Watchers, they were a secretive lot, and were very guarded as a general rule.

But much to his surprise, Armin was there in _Passion_ the next night, he'd come right up to Eren and bought HIM a drink this time. And then Armin had started asking him questions. A TON of questions. He wanted to know everything: when Eren was born, how he'd become an Immortal, how many Heads he'd taken, the places he'd visited and the famous people he'd met.

"Don't you lot have that stuff written down? Isn't that the whole point?"

"Yes, but the archives are incomplete, sometimes a Watcher would lose track of you, or he'd die and months or even years would go by before a replacement was sent. Besides, I'm sure it'd be much more interesting hearing it from you than reading it."

Eren thought THAT line was bullshit, but he played along anyway. 

"I was born in the late 12th century, in Bavaria. I was the son of Gregory, Duke of Bavaria, his only legitimate son. But he had a bastard son before me, Ezekiel. You won't find the name Eren in the history books because my birth name was Otto. I never liked that name."

"Anyway, my father died during the Fourth Crusade before the walls of Constantinople and my bastard half brother decided that he'd make a better Duke of Bavaria than I would. He had his thugs kidnap me and then had me murdered. Imagine my assassins' surprise when I rose from the dead and stabbed them to death with the same knife they used to kill me."

"I was so blinded by rage that I didn't even stop to think about what had happened to me. I rode to Regensburg and challenged Ezekiel to a fight to the death. We fought with swords right there in the banquet hall, in front of half the court. I killed him, and then the court panicked when they saw my wounds from the fight heal themselves. I told them God had raised me from the dead to reclaim my birthright but was called a heretic. I fled from the castle and haven't been back in over 800 years."

"After I met my teacher, and he trained me, I traveled a lot, and changed my name a couple times in the first hundred years or so, until I settled on one I more or less liked. And I've been here ever since."

After that, Armin had MORE questions. It was starting to give Eren a headache. So he'd asked about Armin instead. He'd learned a few things about him: that his grandfather had been a Watcher and had recently retired, that he was 23 years old, and had joined the Watchers right after college. His last name was Arlert (Eren had spotted that on his credit card), and he liked to drink vodka and cola. But otherwise, getting information out of him was like pulling teeth. Eren did enjoy the challenge though.

It became a routine: the two would meet at the bar and drink and talk, and Eren would deflect Armin's questions and Armin would refuse to answer Eren's questions, it was great. Eren was starting to notice things about his new friend, little things like how he swept his hair behind his ear, or the melodious sound of his laugh when Eren would make a dumb joke, in fact, how Armin laughed at ALL his jokes, no matter how dumb. And how he'd never seen someone's hair so brightly blonde before, like the color of sunshine itself....

_Oh dear. I am not even going down this road. Behave yourself Eren!_

He was in the furnace room at the back of his shop, forging a prop sword for a customer. Apparently it was from a show called "Sword Art Online", though Eren had never seen it. He'd tried to get into anime, he really had, he wanted to prove he wasn't some stuck up old man. But he just didn't get the appeal. 

He had just pulled the piece out of the furnace and dunked it in the water barrel to cool when the Buzz went off in Eren's head. 

_Twice in a week? Are you kidding?_

He grabbed his sword from where it was resting against the wall and went to the front of the shop. The Buzz indicated whoever it was, they were coming this way.

The little bell tinkled as the door was open, and in the man walked. Eren's eyebrows went up.

"What the hell are you doing here, Kirstein?"

Jean just stared back at him.

"Is that anyway to treat an old friend, Yeager?"

Eren scoffed. "We're not friends. You said you hated me, remember?"

"I DO hate you. Doesn't mean we aren't friends."

"Alright, what do you want, Jean? If you're here to kill me, I'm not in the mood."

"Always assuming the worst of me, aren't you?"

"I've known you for 500 years, Jean. Your personality hasn't changed."

"Will you shut up?! I need your help, alright?"

"Okay look, whatever treasure you're going after now, I'm not interested."

"Not that kinda help you idiot! I need a new sword!"

Eren blinked at him a couple times, trying to process what he'd said.

"A new sword? What happened to yours? That 1,000 year old katana you loved so much?"

Jean shuffled his feet. "It....It was stolen."

Eren looked at him like he was insane. "You let someone steal your SWORD?"

"I didn't let her!" Jean said defensively.

Eren's eyebrows went up. "Her?"

Jean sighed. "Her name is Mikasa. She's an Immortal like us. We met a few months ago and we started...seeing each other. A couple weeks ago, she wanted to spar with me. She suggested we swap swords, I didn't realize until later it was a big set up. The sword she gave me broke after two parries. Then she stabbed me with my own sword and ran away."

Eren could sympathize, he was well familiar with intimate partner betrayal.

"Well if she did all that, why didn't she just take your Head?"

Jean shrugged. "I have no goddamn idea. Just when I came to, she was gone, and so was my sword."

Eren ran his fingers through his hair. "Alright, come upstairs, we'll see if I have something."

Jean followed him upstairs to the closet where Eren kept his collection.

"I knew you had a lot of swords, but Christ, Eren," Jean said.

"Shut up, look at them and pick one."

"There's so many of them....wait, is that Nile Dok's sword?"

He pointed to the rapier.

"Oh, yeah, it is."

"How did you get it?"

Eren rolled his eyes. "He sold it to me to finance his cocaine habit, how do you think?"

"You don't have to be sarcastic. But that's too bad. I met him once in Paris, he was a good guy."

"He's the one that challenged me Jean, it's not like I went looking for a fight."

"I know, I know."

Jean spent some time taking some swords down from their racks and holding them. Finally he settled on a French musketeer blade from the late 1600s. 

"Give it here, I'm going to sharpen it before you take it. God knows how long it's been sitting there."

He brought it downstairs to the whetstone and ground two new edges onto the sword, making it razor sharp.

"Here, try not to lose this one, I can't keep giving swords away to you."

"I can pay you for it."

"You can buy dinner tonight, is what you can do. We're going for steak."

******

"So why did your girlfriend go to all this trouble to steal your sword?"

"I don't know, I don't get it. I mean, the sword is valuable, but not so valuable as to have an Immortal pretend to date me for months just to get their hands on it."

Something suddenly clicked in Eren's mind as they tucked into their steak dinner. 

"Wait a minute. You didn't come find me for the first time in 20 years because you wanted a sword, you want me to help you find Mikasa and get YOUR sword back."

Jean didn't answer, but the expression on his face said it all.

"Jesus Christ, why didn't you just ASK me for help with that from the start?"

"I thought you'd make fun of me," Jean said, pouting.

"God, you never change. This is why I don't feel bad for what happened at Leipzig."

Jean's face went red. "You're going to bring that up NOW?"

******

_October 1813, near Leipzig, Saxony_

Everyone in General Blucher's army knew that a great battle was soon to be fought. After being pushed out of Russia with his tail between his legs last year, the hated Napoleon was now opposed by a vast Eastern Coalition made up of the countries he'd trampled over in years past: Prussia, Russia, Austria, and Sweden. 

Few people knew the situation better than Colonel Ehren von Jaeger, chief of intelligence for General Blucher's army. He knew where Napoleon's army was, and he knew where the Allies were, and he saw that they had the chance to surround and destroy the Emperor once and for all.

"Colonel sir, we have captured an enemy officer! We think he is a spy!" one of the Sergeants had come into his tent and saluted.

"Well, you'd better bring him in here then," Ehren said. 

The Sergeant saluted and left the tent. A minute later, the Buzz went off in Ehren's head.

_Now, who could that be? Wait....don't tell me._

The tent flapped open again. Ehren had to suppress a laugh at the look on Jean's face. 

"Well well well, if it isn't Major Kirstein of the French Imperial Guard," Ehren said mockingly. 

He signaled for the guards to leave them alone.

"They tell me you are a spy," Ehren said, taking a sip of wine as he stared at Jean appraisingly.

"I am no spy!" Jean protested. "I am in full uniform, I have not concealed my identity as a French officer, if you hang me as a spy you are committing murder."

"Oh cease the theatrics, we both know hanging you would be a waste of time," Ehren said shortly. "Besides, I know you are not a spy because I know why you are actually here in my camp."

Jean looked at him. "You do, do you?"

"You were trying to steal what doesn't belong to you, weren't you? This is the third time in the last 100 years I've caught you, Jean. Did you really think I would bring it with me on campaign?"

Jean's face grew red but he didn't respond.

"So what do you plan to do with me then?"

"Send you back, of course. I would not want you to miss the great battle where we destroy your French army once and for all, it would be unsporting. Guards!"

The Sergeant and another man came into the tent. 

"Take this Pferdegesicht outside the picket line and send him back to his camp. He is to carry a message from us to the French Emperor."

Jean's face grew purple with rage.

"And what message would that be?" he said through gritted teeth. 

"That unless he wants his army to be destroyed, he should either surrender or leave Germany and never come back. I doubt he will listen though, he never does."

Jean gave him a look and turned to leave.

"Oh, Sergeant! Before you go," Ehren said, inspiration striking him. "Make the Major remove his trousers and give them to me. Perhaps that will teach him to avoid poking his nose into places he shouldn't."

Jean was apoplectic in the face of Ehren's serene smile.

******

"You know the other Guards officers laughed at me about that for the rest of the war," Jean said sourly.

"They should have, it was funny," Eren said. 

They were outside the restaurant now, and Eren stopped to pull out his cell phone.

"What are you doing?" Jean said.

"I'm calling a friend, to help me find your damn girlfriend," Eren said, scrolling through his contacts.

"Mikasa is not my girlfriend!" 

"You mean she's not your girlfriend anymore. Shut up, it's ringing."

"Erwin Smith speaking."

"Hello Erwin. How's the President of my favorite bird watcher's club doing?"

"That joke stopped being funny the last six times you used it."

"You're just jealous that you didn't come up with it."

"Yes, sure, let's go with that. How can I help you, Eren. You getting along with Armin alright?"

Eren tried to keep his composure, and answered in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice, "Oh, yes, Armin's fine. Did you have to send me such a pretty boy this time?"

"I thought from reading your file that you liked pretty boys, Eren."

Erwin and Jean both chuckled at Eren's expense, while Eren blushed. 

"ANYWAY," Eren said loudly, over their laughter. "I'm here with my friend Jean..."

"Ah, would this be Jean Kirstein, the friend you pantsed back in the Napoleonic Wars?"

"The very same. But how did you hear that story?"

"The Sergeant was your Watcher at the time."

"I KNEW it!" Eren said. Meanwhile, Jean was seething at the second reminder of his humiliation in less than an hour.

"But yes, I'm here with Jean and we're looking for a malcontented member of our species who stole something of great value from Jean here."

"You know I'm not supposed to help you find other Immortals, Eren."

"Erwin, I've known you for twenty five years. We've gotten up to a LOT of stuff we weren't supposed to. I'm asking for a favor."

"Fine, you silver tongued devil. What's the name?"

"Jean said her name is Mikasa."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. 

"I only know of one Immortal called Mikasa, Eren. Mikasa Ackerman."

Eren's eyes went wide.

"Ackerman?!" he said loudly. "As in, the Ackerman Clan?!"

"Yes," Erwin said.

The Ackerman Clan was an extended family of Immortals that acted more like a gang than anything. They brought trouble wherever they went. Most self respecting Immortals avoided them when they could. Eren only knew of two of them by name: the family patriarch, Kenny Ackerman....and Levi.

"Shit, Jean, you sure know how to pick them."

"I didn't know she was an Ackerman!" Jean protested.

Eren sighed. This promised to be the start of a long and shitty sequence of events. He just knew it.

"Alright fine then. Erwin, where is Ms. Ackerman then?"

"I'll make some calls."

"Good, call me when you find her."

The Buzz went off again, drowning out whatever Erwin said in response. He glanced over at Jean and could tell he felt it too.

A figure rounded the corner. It was a woman with long black hair and a wicked smile on her face.

"I'm right here, Eren Yeager."

Jean gasped.

"Erwin, I'm gonna have to call you back," Eren said. 


	4. Oh My God, You Fought Kenny!

"Mikasa Ackerman, I presume?" Eren said, his voice neutral.

"You presume correctly," Mikasa replied. Her voice and her facial expression were flat, emotionless. But her eyes, those spoke of a deep seated malevolence, of something dark swirling within the woman in front of him.

Beside him, Jean was practically vibrating with barely suppressed rage. 

"Give me my sword back, Mikasa," he said through clenched teeth. 

"What, you mean this sword?" she said, pulling it out and pointing it at him. Eren tensed. 

_Surely she doesn't want to fight out here in the street?_

Jean went to pull his own weapon out of his coat, but Eren stopped him.

"Too public," he hissed. Jean gave him a look, but stopped.

"So what do you want, Mikasa?" Eren said. "If you're looking for my sword I've got a whole collection back at the house, take your pick."

Mikasa flashed him a humorless smile. 

"No, Eren. I am here to give you a message on behalf of my patriarch."

"Ah. Should have guessed that you were his errand girl."

Her eyes flashed with anger, the first actual emotion she'd showed.

"Kenny would like you to meet him on the Cyprus Street Viaduct tomorrow night at midnight."

"If Kenny can't come challenge me himself, then I think I'll be busy tomorrow night."

"That would be a mistake."

Eren raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Kenny has been looking for you for a long time. If you don't meet him, and he has to come find you, innocent people will die. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you?"

The threat hung in the air for a moment.

"Fine," Eren said flatly. "I'll be there."

"So be it." 

Mikasa turned and stalked off. As she disappeared, Eren rounded on Jean.

"What the hell have you gotten me into, Kirstein?"

******

Armin walked into the shop the next day, dressed rather provocatively, in skinny jeans and a tank top. 

_Oh for Christ's sake, that's not fair!_

Eren adopted a nonchalant look. "Ah, my favorite blonde, how are you today?"

Armin put his hands on his hips and gave him a look.

"Were you planning to tell me that you're fighting Kenny Ackerman tonight?"

"Erwin told you?"

"Well, someone had to!"

"Alright then, guess the communication loop is intact. Problem solved."

"You TOLD me you were going to tell me when stuff like this happened, remember? So that I didn't have to follow you around?"

Eren sighed and sat up in his chair.

"Armin. I knew you were going to come here today. And I knew you were going to ask me if anything interesting is going on. To which I would have replied 'Yes, this centuries old psychopath is in town and he wants to see me, presumably to kill me, would you like to come along and watch?' The fact that your boss pre-empted me is not my fault."

Armin's face fell a little, and he crossed his arms. "Well, still," he pouted. 

_Why does he have to make that FACE?_

Jean walked into the shop from the back, where he'd been using the bathroom.

"Who's the twink?" he said dryly. Armin turned to look at him, mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out, like a fish.

"This," Eren said, trying not to laugh, "is Armin. He watches me."

"Oh right, I forgot about those guys. I wonder if I have one."

"You could have asked Erwin last night. Do you know, Armin?"

Armin finally seemed to regain the power of speech. "I am NOT a twink!"

Jean laughed. "Um, have you looked in a mirror recently, guy? You're totally a twink."

"Don't pick on him, Jean. He's already mad at me."

"Aww, trouble in paradise, Eren? Well I'm sure if you and your boyfriend just hugged it out, you'll be fine."

Eren went red in the face. When he chanced a look back at Armin, he saw he was blushing too.

"Kirstein, I swear, if I don't get killed tonight I'm going to kneecap you."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Armin cleared his throat loudly.

"So where is this meeting supposed to happen tonight?"

"Well, why don't you come with us?" Eren asked. Jean looked at him.

"Us?" he repeated.

"Oh yes, Jean. You got me into this mess, so you're coming too. Maybe we'll see your girlfriend there and Armin can ask her how good you are in bed."

Armin blushed again, and Jean looked scandalized. Eren couldn't decide which he liked better.

******

The Cyprus Street Viaduct had been closed to through traffic 30 years ago, after an earthquake had damaged its foundations and city engineers worried that it would collapse. It hadn't yet, though it certainly seemed like it was about to: the bridge was a crumbling ruin, reminding Eren of old Roman bridges he'd seen in Europe. Fifty feet below, the river gurgled, swollen by the recent rainfall. In the middle of the bridge, a single streetlight still worked, chasing away the shadows. In the circle of light it provided, two figures stood. 

Eren and Jean walked towards them, the Buzz sounding unnecessarily in their ears, as they knew who awaited them. On the left was Mikasa. On the right was a tall, thin man, immaculately dressed in a black trench coat and matching fedora. He gave a twisted grin as they came closer.

"Hello, Eren Yeager," he said, in a deep, raspy sort of voice. 

"Kenny Ackerman," Eren said. He stopped 8 feet from the other pair. 

"I don't recall extending my invitation to your sidekick there."

"And yet you brought your pet pit bull with you, Kenny. If Jean goes, so does she."

"Fine. Mikasa, wait back at the car." 

Mikasa gave Eren a look and then stalked away. Eren turned to Jean. 

"I'll see you later."

"Be careful," Jean replied, then turned and left as well. 

"There, isn't that better?" Kenny said, smiling.

"Yeah, great. What do you want?"

Kenny pulled an object out of his pocket, something Eren hadn't seen for a long time. He held it up so Eren could see it. 

"Recently, I realized the reason this wasn't working for me is that I don't know what you're supposed to say to make it work. But that you might."

"Ah," Eren said, understanding now. "Levi stole it for you, did he? Guess he should have stuck around a little longer then, find out what the magic words were before he shot me and took off with it."

"Be that as it may," Kenny said, "I need to know how it works, Eren."

"You've had that thing for 300 years, why are you curious about how it works now?"

"Because I need it Yeager!" Kenny was growing angry.

"Oh, I get it now. Fell in love with a mortal, did you?"

"Goddamn it Yeager. Levi has never been the same since he met you! You turned him into a little bitch! I should kill you just for that! But I'll extend you my goodwill one more time: Tell me how the idol works, Eren."

Eren's expression hardened. "Let me get this straight. You send one of your underlings to me, to trick me so he can steal one of my possessions for you, hurting me in the process. But you fuck up and don't get the information you need, so fast forward to the present, you send another underling to Jean, to steal his sword, goading him into coming to find me, while you follow him. And you what? Expected me to be impressed with your work and just give you what you want? I always heard you Ackermans were crazy, but I never took you for stupid."

"Alright, Yeager. Have it your way." 

He wrenched his trench coat open, pulling out a sword. Eren anticipated the movement and had already done the same. Eren let his coat drop to the ground, while Kenny kept his on.

"You know, if I take your Head and your Quickening, I'll just get the information anyway."

"I invite you to come over here and try."

"You have no idea what you're fucking with, do you?" Kenny said. Then he attacked. 

Immediately Eren knew something was wrong. His parries seemed slower, clumsier than usual compared to Kenny's. At first he thought he'd been drugged, but he came to realize that Kenny was moving faster than he was used to. Almost unnaturally fast. 

Eren found himself being forced backwards by the speed of the strikes. It was everything he could do to parry the rain of blows. He ducked out of the way of one overhand swing and created some distance between them. 

_Nobody's faster than me with a blade, what is this?_

Kenny was on him again, quickly deflecting Eren's thrust and swinging down, forcing Eren to parry. Eren tried to kick the other man away, but Kenny blocked his foot with the crossguard of his sword.

_What? That's not possible!_

Kenny pushed him away. In frustration, Eren swung his sword as hard as he could, hoping to slice open Kenny's neck. Kenny was also swinging, and the two blades met with a clang. Almost in slow motion, Eren watched as his nightmare came to life: his sword broke in half, the broken part of the blade clattering to the ground. Eren looked at what was left in horror.

Kenny smiled at him, knocked what was left of Eren's sword out of the way, and then ran him through. Pain exploded in him as the sword split his gut. He gasped involuntarily. Kenny yanked out the sword, and Eren fell to his knees, sword hilt falling from his right hand as his left went to his stomach. 

The white hot pain was now matched by a chilling fear: he was going to die. And there wasn't going to be any waking up this time. He opened his eyes and stared at Kenny, waiting for the fatal blow. 

But it didn't come. Kenny seemed determined to gloat first. 

"Don't feel too bad, Eren. You see this?" He brandished the sword. "It's the Sword of Mars. Supposedly crafted by the gods themselves. It's the best sword ever made, and eventually I'm going to use it to win this little game we Immortals play."

_You know what? Fuck this._

He reached into his boot and withdrew a knife, pointing it at Kenny.

"We're not done yet, Kenny."

Kenny laughed. "And what, pray tell, do you expect to do with that?"

Eren pushed a button on the side of the hilt. The blade shot forward, propelled by the spring within the hilt, and buried itself in Kenny's neck. Kenny reeled backwards, spluttering. His free hand went up to his neck.

Riding the suddent surge of energy, Eren staggered to his feet. He knew he needed to get away, and that there was only one way to do it. He dropped the handle of the ballistic knife and stumbled towards the railing of the bridge, ignoring the searing pain. With a final lunge, he toppled over the railing and fell headfirst into the river. 

Somehow, the fall didn't kill him outright, but he knew his injury would cause him to die.

_At least I'm going to wake up now, though. Hopefully._

He floated downstream, idly hoping he didn't end up out to sea or accidently decapitated by a boat propeller, before slipping into the darkness.

******

Eren came to on the riverbank, soaked to the bone, but with no injury to his stomach. His body had healed itself while he was out. 

But how did I get here? This is too far for me to have washed up here.

And then Armin came into view, also with soaked clothes.

"You certainly lead an interesting life, Eren Yeager," he said, smiling at him. 

_Oh God. I'm so fucked._

******


	5. A Fearful Reunion

Eren needed to think. Which meant going to church. 

He wasn't a particularly fervent believer, his relationship with God had been....rather complicated since he became an Immortal. But he always found them peaceful, the perfect place to think. Well that, and Holy Ground was the one place he could afford to completely let his guard down.

He was sitting in the front pew of a Catholic Church not far from his home. He was staring at the altar, unable to get past how...PLAIN it looked.

 _See, this is what I hate about America. All the churches were built with this Puritanical mindset. They have NOTHING on the cathedrals of Europe_.

Eren sighed. This wasn't the time to get distracted. 

Why had his sword broken? There wasn't anything wrong with it, he'd checked. And why had Kenny seemed so unnaturally fast? He couldn't be so much more powerful than Eren that he could break the laws of physics, right? He knew that the more Quickenings you absorbed, the more "powerful" you became, but Eren had always assumed that meant you absorbed the knowledge and skillset of the Immortal you killed. Eren knew how to speak over a dozen languages because of the duels he'd won, for instance, and he was so good with a sword because he had not only his own long experience, but the experiences of every dead Immortal inside him. 

But he was still bound by the limits of his own body, the only thing "superhuman" about him and every other Immortal was his inability to grow old and die. Kenny was bound by the same rules, so what gives here?

_Could it have something to do with that sword? The Sword of Mars, he called it. Where have I heard that name before, it seems vaguely familiar. Mars....I assume that's in reference to the Roman god of war, not the planet or the candy bar._

Then he had a bitter thought. 

_Did he steal that too? Or have one of his pets steal it? Like Levi did with the idol?_

He sighed.

_Levi...._

The memories came to him, unbidden.

******

_London, December 1704_

Despite the cold weather, crowds gathered to cheer and throw flowers at the procession that paraded through the streets. At the head of the procession, mounted on a white charger, was John Churchill, Duke of Marlborough, victorious commander of the English Army, who had routed the French and Bavarian armies at Blenheim in August. Now with his army in winter quarters, he was returning to London to make his formal report to Queen Anne, and bask in the glory of his achievements in front of the entire royal court, including his wife, Sarah, the Queen's favorite.

Buried deep in the procession, trying not to draw attention to himself, was Colonel Ehren Jager, representative of England's main ally in the war, the Austrian Empire. Ehren really didn't want to be part of this circus, but orders were orders. 

As the parade slowly made its way to Kensington Palace, all Ehren could think about was how cold he was. Perhaps when he was younger, being presented to the Queen of England might have been more exciting to him. But he was over 500 years old now, he had been part of military parades and royal receptions before. He would much rather be back in Vienna, with Eugene. But it was Eugene who had asked him, no, begged him to go to London with Marlborough. Ehren wondered if Eugene was growing tired of him.

Finally the parade stopped outside of the palace. Ehren dismounted and gave his horse to the stable boy, then joined the representatives from the other countries allied against France in the war. He nodded to the Dutch officer, whose name he couldn't remember. Actually, looking around, he didn't remember anybody's name, except for Marlborough, obviously. Some ambassador he was.

They were in the reception hall now, a crowd of officers in multi-colored uniforms. Queen Anne came in, and everyone bowed. After she was seated, the Duke of Marlborough was announced. He swept into the hall with a flourish, as the courtiers broke out into applause. He bowed before the Queen. 

"Your Majesty."

"Your Grace," the Queen said, "You have returned from the field. What have you to report?"

"A great victory by Your Majesty's army, over our enemies, the Kingdom of France and the Duchy of Bavaria. This August past, together with my friend Prince Eugene and his gallant Austrian army, we routed the enemy at Blenheim, killing 6,000 enemy troops and taking 14,000 captives, including the French commander, Marshal Tallard. With this victory, we saved Vienna from being besieged and knocked Bavaria out of the war."

The reception hall rang with cheers. When they had died down, the Queen said:

"You bring great honor to your station, Your Grace, and your country. We wish to express our sincere gratitude to you and your army for your valor in the field. Tonight, we shall hold a banquet in your honor. We must celebrate!" 

There were more cheers. Marlborough started to speak again, but whatever he said was suddenly drowned out by the Buzz ringing in Ehren's ears. He looked around the hall for the source, and locked eyes with a man dressed in the uniform of the Horse Guards. The black haired man smirked at him and gave a curt nod, and Ehren nodded back.

_Hmm, how fascinating._

******

At the banquet later that night, the man sought Ehren out when he found himself alone at a table, after the Prussian officer he'd been drinking with had gone off in search of female companionship. 

"Might I join you?" the man said. Ehren waved at the bench in response.

"Captain Levi Ackerman, at your service," the man said once he was seated. 

"Colonel Ehren Jager, at yours."

Levi took a drink from his tankard.

"So, you are Austrian?"

"This decade I am."

Levi laughed, clearly understanding what Ehren meant. When you reached a certain age as an Immortal, you stopped being "from" anywhere, especially if you traveled around a lot. 

"So, Colonel Jager, what role do you play in the gallant Austrian Army?"

Ehren resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I am an aide to Prince Eugene."

Something gleamed in Levi's eyes. 

"You know, there is an interesting rumor here at court about Prince Eugene and his subordinates," he said in a casual tone.

"Oh? And what rumor would that be?"

Levi leaned forward and lowered the pitch of his voice.

"Apparently, the Prince, who has not seen fit to take a wife, surrounds himself with beautiful young men, and that he has taken many of his young staff officers to bed with him."

Ehren was silent, waiting for Levi to go on. This could go in a few different directions, one of which was that Levi was trying to goad him into fighting him, which he would do, but certainly not here.

"Ah, I see the look in your eyes," Levi continued, still in that casual tone. "Do not think I disapprove, sir. What I really wish to know is...." he leaned even closer, whispering into Ehren's ear. "Does His Highness fuck you? Or do you fuck him? Or perhaps it is both?"

Ehren found himself going red in the face. He steadied himself by draining the wine out of his cup.

"And why," he said, heart pounding, "would you want to know that?"

Levi leaned back in his chair, smirking.

"Because," he said, "I wish to know which position you would like to be in, in my bed."

Ehren shivered involuntarily. A smile came to his lips.

"Take me to your bed, Captain Ackerman, and you shall find out."

******

Eren smiled thinking about what had happened the remainder of that night. But he was confused. Why was he thinking about that NOW? Then he realized why. He'd had the same feelings tonight, walking back from the river with Armin. After pulling him out of the river, Armin had walked with Eren back to Eren's house, making light conversation that put Eren at ease even though he kept looking over his shoulder, expecting Kenny or Mikasa to appear behind him at any moment. He'd insisted Armin go home and get some sleep after they arrived, and Armin had, but made Eren promise to tell him if he was going to go do anything else. Like he thought Eren was going to go back after Kenny tonight. Yeah right.

_I have to figure out what's going on with me and this kid. If I do something dumb, Erwin might behead me himself. He seems fond of Armin._

The Buzz hit him then. Swearing under his breath, he turned to see who it was. There was a figure there, shrouded in shadow.

"If you've come to try again, Kenny, you're just gonna have to wait until I'm done in here. Which might not be for a decade or so, I haven't decided yet."

The figure chuckled. "Close, but wrong Ackerman, Eren."

The color drained from Eren's face. He knew that voice, even though he hadn't heard it in 300 years. 

"Levi."

Levi stepped into the light, revealing his face, just as Eren remembered.

"Hello Eren," he said. 

Eren's mouth flattened into a straight line. 

"So, let me guess. Your job is to get me out of the church and out to Kenny outside so he can chop my head off, am I close?"

"No Eren, I'm here alone."

"Well then, what do you want? I don't have anything else for you to steal, you know."

Levi sighed. "I didn't come here to fight, Eren. I just want to talk."

Eren laughed, a harsh, mirthless laugh that echoed off the walls of the church.

"Talk?! You never want to talk, Levi. You want to work an angle. Everyone's a mark to be taken advantage of, right? Well, if you think you're going to burn me again, think again!"

Pain flashed across Levi's face. "Listen, Eren, about what happened..."

"Do not. Do not try to apologize to me, not now. Besides, what would you be apologizing for? For stealing from me? For shooting me while you made your escape? For betraying me? Or for taking my heart and stomping on it? Well don't worry Captain, the past is the past. After 300 years, I got over it. I got over you, Levi."

Levi was white as a sheet. "I could tell, with that blonde boy you were walking home with."

Eren's face twisted into a smirk. "What? Don't pretend to be jealous. I can fuck whoever I want, as often as I want. And there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it."

_Sorry Armin. I don't know why I said that._

Levi said nothing for a long moment. Then he spoke, slowly. "Eren, you need to be careful of Kenny. I saw what happened tonight, it's that sword he's using. It's like no sword I've ever seen. He's killed 4 Immortals with it in the last three months. People he had no right defeating, they were clearly better than him."

"You make it sound like the sword is magic or something," Eren scoffed.

"I don't know if it is or not, I'm just telling you to be careful."

"Well, I appreciate your concern, Levi," Eren said sarcastically. "While we're on the subject, do you know WHY Kenny is trying to murder me?"

Levi said nothing.

"He showed me the idol. The one you gave him, after you stole it. He doesn't know how to make it work, because YOU forgot to get the words you're supposed to use out of me before you revealed our relationship was a sham and made off with it. So now he's gotten the brilliant idea to take my Quickening and get it that way. So you know, good job with fucking me over, again."

Levi looked sad. "Eren, I'm sorry,"

Eren's face twisted. "Get out of here, Levi. Right now, before we find out why we're not supposed to fight on Holy Ground."

When Levi didn't move, Eren raised his voice. "GO!" he shouted, the word bouncing around the sanctuary. Eren's hands were balled into fists so tight his nails were cutting into his palms. Finally, Levi turned and walked out of sight. 

Once he was sure Levi was gone, Eren let out a scream that he'd been holding in, a shout of rage 300 years in the making.

******

When Eren got home, Jean was waiting for him.

"I didn't see a Quickening so I figured you were still alive," Jean said. "What happened?"

Eren shrugged. "He beat me, but I got away."

"He beat you?" Jean said in surprise. Eren nodded.

"Broke my sword in half like it was made of wood. The fight, it didn't make sense to me. He was using some sword he called the Sword of Mars, acted like it gave him some kind of advantage over the rest of us."

Jean looked troubled. "Why did he want to fight you?"

"The idol, Jean. He has it. But he doesn't know how to make it work for him."

"Wait, the idol?! The one you're supposed to have? How does he have it?"

"It was stolen from me a long time ago."

Jean's face went red. "You mean to tell me, when I was trying to get it back all those years ago, you didn't even have it?"

"Mmhmm." 

"You bastard! Why didn't you tell me?"

Eren shrugged. "Would you have believed me if I told you?"

Jean said nothing for a few seconds, then looked at Eren.

"Okay fine, we'll talk about this later. What are you going to do now?"

"Well, I've got to get out of here. It's too hot right now. Until I understand what Kenny's up to, I don't want to come across him again. I need to get answers, and there's only one person I know of who might have them for me."

"Ah, you mean..."

"Yes. We're going to Rome, to visit my mentor."


	6. A Tale of a Fateful Trip

Erwin seemed confused when Armin had called him to ask what he should do now that Eren and Jean were going to Europe. 

"You don't have to ask my permission to go, Armin. It's your job to follow Eren, if he's going somewhere, you go too. If you need money for travel expenses just submit a request via the online payroll system."

"No, Erwin, you don't understand. Eren wants me to go WITH him. Not like follow after him."

"Eren specifically asked for you to come along?"

"Well, what he said was 'Since you have to go to Europe to follow me anyway, Blondie, why don't you just come with us?'"

Erwin chuckled. "Blondie?"

"Yeah. I hate it."

Erwin laughed again. "When I first started watching him, he called me Lantern Jaw for about six months. You get used to it."

Armin grumbled unintelligibly.

"I'm still confused though, Armin. Why are you so worried about going with Eren?"

"Well, I mean, it's bad enough that I'm actually talking to Eren, that's already against the Codex. But now I'm going to physically travel with him, possibly play an active role in whatever adventure he gets up to? I don't want to break any more rules, Erwin."

Armin neglected to mention the little stunt he'd done at the river, pulling an unconscious Eren out of the water after he'd watched him fall off the viaduct. The way he figured it, that wasn't interfering. Not really, anyway.

"You know, Armin. International flights have hundreds of people on them. Since you're going to the same place anyway, why would it be weird that you're both on the same flight?"

"That's the thing though. They're not flying. Eren says he's taking his boat. Well, yacht, I guess he called it."

There was a pause, then Erwin laughed again.

"Oh that's right, I forgot. Eren doesn't like to fly."

"What?!" Armin found that hard to believe. An 800 year old Immortal who faced death on a regular basis, scared of an airplane ride?

"Yeah. Shadis told me, when he traveled to Vienna with him, that he was angry they were taking the Learjet. Said it put him in a bad mood for the whole trip. And on the way back, he booked a suite on a cruise ship, so Shadis flew back alone."

_Man, for someone who is this super heroic badass, Eren is kind of a dork._

"So," Erwin continued. "Eren wants to take you on the boat, then?"

"Yeah, I don't know what to do!"

There was a pause, almost like Erwin was judging him. Armin didn't like it.

"Go on the boat, Armin."

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I've always said the Watchers should take more of an active as opposed to passive role. Not interfering in duels or anything, but who says there's anything wrong with a Watcher accompanying an Immortal on a trip? Makes for a better story, if you ask me."

_Wow. Erwin is going to try to change 2,000 years of organizational doctrine on a dime? That'll go over well._

"In short, I'm your boss, so I'm telling you to get on the boat."

"Okay, okay, fine. I'll go on the boat."

"Hmm....you know, Eren is friendly with all his Watchers, but I don't think he's ever taken a shine to any of them this fast before. He must really like you."

Armin couldn't help the blush that spread across his face.

"Well....I think he LIKES ME likes me."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"The way he looks at me sometimes....and how he goes red in the face when Jean teases him about stuff when I'm around....things like that."

"I gotcha. And how do you feel about that?"

Well...how DID Armin feel about that? Eren was certainly nice enough, and funny, and like, objectively attractive. But for christ's sake, he was over 800 years old! He'd been raised on Immortal lore, and he still had a hard time even imagining someone that old who looked the same age as Armin. Besides.....

_"You're a pretty little thing, aren't you? Do you want to come for a ride with me? You mom and dad said it was okay."_

Armin shivered. Yeah he wasn't going THERE today, thank you.

"I don't know, Erwin. I want to figure things out, I guess. You know I'm not good at this sort of thing."

"Well I wouldn't say anybody is GOOD at it, Armin. But I can tell you that Eren won't hurt you. Inside that wise cracking aloof exterior is a....well, you'll figure it out."

******

The taxi dropped Armin off at the wharf. It took him awhile to find the right slip number, the number of boats docked here was amazing. But eventually he turned a corner and there was Jean loading boxes into a boat.

"Ah, Armin, there you are!" said Jean as Armin approached. "Thank God, I thought Eren was going to have kittens."

Eren came out onto the deck of the ship and Armin had to resist the impulse to laugh. He was dressed in a ridiculous yellow hat and coat combination that made him look like the Gorton's Fisherman, minus the beard.

"Ah, Armin, you made it!" Eren said brightly. "I was wondering if you ditched us."

"As if," said Armin. He held up the paper with the directions. "You could have been a little more specific, you know. I got lost on the way down here."

Jean looked at the paper. "I don't think precision was the problem. How do you even read this chicken scratch?"

Eren scoffed. "I'll have you know that I received calligraphy instruction from the best instructors on three continents!"

"Too bad they didn't teach you how to dress, you look like a lemon flavored condom."

Armin laughed, and Eren turned back to look at him.

"Hey, you're MY Watcher, you're not supposed to laugh at his jokes!"

"I mean, actually, while you two are traveling together, Erwin assigned me as Jean's Watcher too."

"Score!" Jean said, holding his hand out for Armin to high five. Eren grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "horse face."

"Get the rest of the provisions into the galley Kirstein, before I push you in the bay," Eren said. He turned back to Armin. "Throw me your bag, Blondie, and climb aboard. I'll give you a tour of the _Burgermeister Meisterburger_."

Eren's yacht was huge. Armin believed him when he said it had cost a million dollars. It appeared to be Eren's pride and joy, he delighted in showing Armin all the cool things the boat had or did. 

"I'm done hauling boxes, Your Highness," Jean said. "Are we going to leave now or are you two going to make out first?"

Armin blushed. He wasn't sure he liked Jean. He hadn't forgotten that twink comment.

"You're just mad because the last person that made out with you stabbed you with your own sword, Jean. But you're right, time to get underway."

******

Armin had thought traveling across the Atlantic Ocean by boat would be fun. And it was, at first. But you could only look at ocean waves for so long before you got immensely bored. Eren had a handheld video game console that he played while up in the bridge, and Jean seemed to pass the time by picking fights with Eren. But Armin had forgotten to bring any books or anything besides his phone, which of course was decidedly out of range of any reception towers. 

Jean and Eren spent a lot of time arguing about "the idol," and finally curiousity overwhelmed Armin, and he asked what they were talking about. 

"Oh boy," Eren said. "Well, strap in, it's a long story."

******

_Paris, April 1665_

"Ehren, have you ever heard of the Idol of Lazarus?"

Ehren blinked at Jean and took a drink of his ale. 

"You mean the statue that grants people immortality? Nothing more than a legend, like King Arthur's Holy Grail."

Jean smiled at him.

"You would think, wouldn't you? But I have done some research, and I believe there is truth to this legend."

Ehren rolled his eyes. Jean loved to talk about fantastic treasures, most of which were about as real as Leonardo da Vinci's flying machine.

"Well go on then, you obviously won't leave me along until you've finished."

"There is no need to be a spoilsport, Ehren. Anyway, the Idol of Lazarus came from China, 2,000 years ago. It's a sculpture of a dragon carved from cinnabar, which the ancient Chinese believed could grant immortality if consumed. Marco Polo supposedly brought it to Europe, but I haven't been able to verify that, it's possible it came here as a trade good on the Silk Road."

"Even if your ancient statue exists, Jean, there's no possible way it could grant immortality. WE know how immortality works, and you can't get it from a rock."

Jean waved his hand.

"Yes yes, I didn't believe that story either. I was just going after it as a valuable bit of treasure. But one month past, I was challenged by another Immortal and I took his Head. His Quickening gave me his knowledge and I discovered what he knew."

Jean leaned in closer to Ehren.

"The Idol is an artifact crafted by the ancient Immortals, the founders of our race. It has its own Quickening trapped inside of it that you can use to bestow OUR form of immortality upon a mortal. A single mortal, before the artifact crumbles to dust."

Ehren's eyes widened.

"How is that possible?!"

"I do not know. But I saw what the Idol looked like in his memories, and where he'd seen it. I went looking for myself, and the artifact itself is here. In Paris. And I want to steal it."

Ehren was fascinated. An object that could make a mortal an Immortal, like him and Jean. The possibilities for its use were bounded only by his imagination. But then he was skeptical.

"Alright, I will grant you that your Idol of Lazarus is real, but why are you telling me? You don't include me in your thefts, your treasure hunting, unless...."

He suddenly remembered an incident from a century ago, and his eyes narrowed.

"Jean, you haven't told me WHERE in Paris this idol is located."

The question didn't phase Jean in the slightest. "At the Duke of Orleans' chateau."

_I KNEW it!_

"Goddamn you, Kirstein. No."

"You haven't even heard my plan yet, Ehren!"

"I KNOW what your plan is! You want me to go there and seduce Philippe, so YOU can steal the Idol! Well, if you want someone to fuck your French noblemen, you can do it yourself! It wouldn't be the first time!"

"But you're better at it than I am!" Jean argued.

"Don't be insulting."

"Listen. There is a party to be held tonight at the chateau. I can get us in. I need your help, Ehren, I cannot do it without you. Please?"

And then he gave Ehren the face. Ehren hated the face.

"Ugh, fine! But you are going to owe me one hell of a favor after this!"

Jean brightened. "Worry not, my friend, this is going to be easy!"

******

Musket balls whizzed overhead as Jean and Ehren galloped away from the chateau.

"They're shooting at us, Jean!" Ehren yelled.

"Shut up and shoot back!" Jean snapped. He aimed a pistol over his shoulder and fired.

"'It's going to be easy, Ehren!' That's what you said! Easy! Nowhere in your plan was it mentioned that there would be an entire company of musketeers SHOOTING AT US!"

"I said shut up!"

Meanwhile, on the balcony of the chateau, Philippe, Duke of Orleans, and brother of King Louis XIV, watched the two figures disappear into the night, shrouded in powder smoke. It was a shame, that Ehren Jager had been so pretty. He told the musketeer lieutenant to bring the thieves back alive if they were captured, and to bring them directly to him. After all, the rakish types were his favorite.

Ehren and Jean led the musketeers on a merry chase through the city of Paris, trading gunshots all the way. Finally they managed to lose them in the closely packed city streets to the west of city center, and were able to make their way out of the city to the village of Ville-d'Avray. They climbed to the heights overlooking the area they had escaped from so they could spot pursuers.

"Well, that was fun!" Jean said brightly. Ehren gave him a dark look and dismounted.

"Do you have the damn thing or not? I want to see it."

Jean also dismounted and pulled the idol out of his saddle bag, handing it to Ehren. The dragon glittered in the moonlight as Ehren held it up. As he watched Jean walked over to the side of the cliff, he could feel something powerful inside the idol. He realized that Jean's fantasy story was true.

_My God._

The Buzz went off in his head. He could see Jean felt it too. A man elegantly garbed in the robes of a musketeer emerged from the shadows, pointing a pistol at them.

"I'll have that back, gentlemen," he said calmly.

Ehren looked at him. "Darius Zachary. Didn't realize you were the captain of the musketeers, though I guess it isn't that much different than being the King's chief torturer."

"Give me the idol, Mr. Jager, or I will kill your friend here and take your Head."

_He doesn't realize Jean is an Immortal!_

"Go ahead, I don't even like him," Ehren said. Jean looked at him, mouth open. Ehren just shrugged. He would explain later.

"Fine," Zachary said, and fired. The ball struck Jean in the stomach.

"Ehren, you bastard," Jean said, then fell backward off the cliff. 

Ehren used the distraction to draw his sword, securing the idol in a pouch on his belt. Zachary threw the pistol away and drew his own sword.

"Did your friend even realize what the idol does, Ehren? Or did you throw his life away for nothing?"

"Oh Darius, you have no idea," Ehren replied. Then the two Immortals crossed blades. It started as a back and forth fencing match in the style of the time, until Darius smacked Ehren in the face with his free hand and Ehren got angry. He kicked Zachary away and swung viciously, which forced Zachary back further. Zachary lunged forward, but Ehren was ready for him, and swung his sword down, cutting Darius' sword hand off at the wrist as he went by. 

Zachary howled and clutched the bleeding stump of his hand, sword forgotten on the ground. 

"Why did the Duke of Orleans have the idol, then?" Ehren asked. 

"Who do you think gave it to him in the first place?" Darius gasped out. "For safekeeping, you know. I didn't think anyone would be foolish enough to try and steal it from Philippe's home."

"Well, you obviously never met my friend Jean then," Ehren said, and struck out with his sword, decapitating Zachary. As the Quickening surged through him, he understood what Zachary had. Not only did he now know that the idol was real, but also how to make it work. Ehren laughed as it finished. What a day this had been.

He walked over to the cliff. 

"You alright down there, Jean?" 

"Fine, no thanks to you!"

"Oh shut up. By the way, I'm keeping the idol."

"What? No you're not, the idol is mine!"

Ehren pulled the idol out. 

"And yet, I am the one holding it. Remember that favor you owed me for this 'easy' job? Well, consider us even."

"Damn you Ehren Jager! I will get you for this! Even if it takes me 200 years!"

******

"So then Jean spent 200 years trying to get the idol back. Of course, he didn't know that I lost it myself after only 50 years, so it was kind of comical."

"For you!" Jean said angrily.

Armin found the entire story fascinating. And also very funny, especially the way Ehren and Jean went back and forth telling it, interspersed with barbs at each other the entire time. For as much as they claimed to dislike each other, it was clear they were friends, and good ones too.

It turned out that their stories were good for Armin's mental health as well as being a good way to pass the time. That night, instead of the usual nightmares that haunted his dreams, he dreamed of swashbuckling swordsmen in fancy ballrooms and desperate shootouts.


	7. The Eternal Man in the Eternal City

"DIANNNNNNNE! I PROMISE I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS YOUR MANNNNNN! I WOULD HAVE NOTICED A GOLD WEDDING BAND, DIANNNNNE!"

Eren heard a "chi-chi" sound behind him that he knew very well. He turned around in the pilot house to find Jean pointing Eren's shotgun at him.

"Eren, I swear to Christ, if you don't stop singing that GODDAMN song, I am going to shoot you."

Eren was unimpressed by the threat.

"You know, if you're going to shoot me, you should probably turn the safety catch off first."

Jean stared at him.

"The safety catch IS off."

"You sure about that?" Eren raised an eyebrow. 

Jean glanced down at the gun, and then Eren lunged forward and snatched it out of his hand. 

"Every time. People fall for that EVERY TIME." 

Now he pointed the gun at Jean. 

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself now, Kirstein?"

Jean grimaced.

"I regret nothing."

"Hey, do me a favor, check behind you for Armin, is he there?"

Jean turned around, no blondes in sight. 

"No, why?"

"Just wondering." 

BAM.

Jean went flying out the door from the force of the shot, toppling backwards down the stairs and landing in a heap on the deck. Blood was everywhere, which Eren hated. With a crash, Armin tore onto the deck to see what had happened. He looked at Jean dead on the ground, aghast.

"What did you do, Eren?!"

Eren shrugged. 

"He tried to mutiny. Plus he insulted my beautiful singing voice. Really he deserved it."

Eren disappeared back into the pilot house, calling back over his shoulder. "Tell him when he wakes up to clean up his blood all over my deck!"

A minute later, Jean woke with a start. Armin was crouched over him, fascinated in spite of himself. It was his first time watching an Immortal come back from death. Jean looked at him.

"Did Eren shoot me?"

Armin nodded.

Jean groaned. "We've been on this boat for too long."

******

The next day, their journey, at long last, came to an end. Around midday, the port of Civitavecchia came into sight. Eren navigated his ship around the busy ferry and cargo traffic and into the port, where he docked her at a rental slip. 

After they had gone through customs (Eren promised to explain to Armin how he'd gotten his passport later), they rented a car to drive to Rome. 

"So," Armin said as they merged onto the highway, "You mentioned we were going to see your mentor, but who is he?"

"You don't know who my mentor is?" Eren replied. "I thought you Watchers kept files on all of us, shouldn't you know that?" 

"To be honest, I didn't read your file. More skimmed it."

Eren opened his mouth in surprise.

"Do you have any idea how LONG those files are? Sometimes they aren't transcribed into text, just the original written documents from centuries ago. In OTHER languages. The Watchers aren't known for their secretarial skills."

Jean snorted. Eren just rolled his eyes.

"Alright, alright Blondie, relax. My mentor is one of the oldest Immortals still alive. He was born as Lucius Aemilius Paullus, in the Roman Republic. He rose to the rank of consul but was killed in the Battle of Cannae in 216 BC, during Hannibal's invasion of Italy. While he was stumbling around the aftermath of the battlefield, confused, he was found by a Carthaginian Immortal serving in Hannibal's army. The Carthaginian took pity on him and educated him in our ways, explaining that he couldn't go back to Rome as everyone thought him dead."

"By the time he trained me, he was already over 1,400 years old. Now he lives in Rome, acting as something like a historian on Immortal history and lore. He always seems to know everything that's going on. Wouldn't surprise me if Erwin or some other Watcher is in regular communication with him."

"Does he still go by Lucius Paullus?" Armin asked.

Eren laughed. "No, that name would have been too recognizable in ancient Rome. He's been known by a lot of different names, but the one that seems to have stuck is Dotson Pixis. We call him Dot."

"Will you stop driving like a maniac?" Jean said. "This is not the Monaco Grand Prix!"

Eren rolled his eyes but slowed down.

"You know, I'd like to be a racecar driver sometime," he said idly. "Not Formula 1 though. Indianapolis." 

"You should try it then," Jean said. "Do one of those local circuit things, see what happens."

"Yeah, maybe I'll do that next. I'm kinda over the blacksmithing thing. It was peaceful but then you all showed up with your shenanigans. Now I'll have to move again."

"Not if we kill Kenny," Jean replied.

"Easier said than done."

******

"This is not what I was expecting," Armin said, looking around. They were in a posh Roman suburb, the tree lined avenue dotted with modern, expensive looking houses.

"Where did you expect him to live? St. Peter's Basilica?" Eren said. 

"I don't know, just something more....foreign. This looks exactly like any street in America."

Jean shrugged. "It's globalization, kid. Half of Europe looks like this now, and increasing amounts of Asia and Africa too."

Eren led the way up the steps to the door of one of the houses, hitting the doorbell. The Buzz swept through Eren soon after, and then the door opened. A brunette woman in glasses regarded them with apprehension, a sword in one hand, obviously ready for trouble.

"Hello Hanji," Eren said brightly. "You going to stab us with that?"

"Oh hey Eren!" Hanji said, smiling. She leaned the sword against the doorframe and hugged him. She spotted the other two men over his shoulder.

"Eww, why'd you bring Jean with you?" she said, wrinkling her nose.

"Always nice to see you, Hanji," Jean said sarcastically.

"And who is this cute little cinnamon roll?" Hanji said, breaking away from Eren to contemplate Armin.

"This is our friend Armin," Eren said. 

"Hello," Armin said, cheeks red.

"Armin, this is Hanji Zoe," Eren said. "She lives with Dot."

Hanji had been Dot's companion for 400 years now. Pixis refused to tell Eren how they'd met or what the nature of their relationship was. If they were lovers, Eren didn't really want to know that anyway. Dot was weird enough without contemplating his sex life.

"Well, stop cluttering up the front porch and come inside!" Hanji said, gesturing at the door.

They all trooped inside. Armin, who had obviously never been there before, stared around in wonder at all of the antiques displayed in the foyer. 

"Pixis is upstairs, in the study, reading. You know how he is," Hanji said. 

"You're not coming with us?" Jean said, as she turned to leave. 

"Not unless you want the acid I was working on to boil over and burn down half the house," she said nonchalantly, then disappeared behind a door. 

"Has she ever NOT been weird?' Jean said.

"Trust me, I prefer weird. It's when she's NOT weird that it's scary," Eren said. "Come on, let's see if I can give the old man a heart attack."

******

Dot Pixis was a distinguished looking man with a shiny bald head and an immaculate mustache. When they came in, he closed his book with an audible SNAP and smiled at them.

"The prodigal son returns," Pixis said warmly. "How are you Eren?"

"Oh you know, same as always, old man."

"Who are you calling old? You're not exactly young yourself anymore you know!"

"Still only a third as old as you."

Pixis rolled his eyes, then turned to Jean. "Mr. Kirstein. You're traveling with Eren again?"

"He didn't give me a lot of choice."

Pixis chuckled.

"And hello there young one. Who might you be?" 

Armin stared at his shoes, clearly shy. 

"This is Armin," Eren said. "Armin, Dot Pixis."

"Hmm....Armin," Pixis said thoughtfully. "Armin Arlert? I know your grandfather well, yes indeed."

Armin looked up in surprise.

"You know my grandfather?"

"My boy, you didn't think Eren was the only Immortal to know about the Watchers, did you?" Pixis said with a chuckle. "It's not nearly as secret of an organization as they like to think, you know."

Armin sighed and put his head in his hands. Eren was overcome by the urge to comfort him in his time of obvious confusion. 

_Brain, this is NOT the time!_

"Now, as much as I'd appreciate you coming all the way to Rome to visit your old mentor, I sense that you are here with a purpose in mind."

Eren sat down at the table, the rest of the group followed suit.

"Kenny Ackerman came to pay me a visit," Eren said. 

Dot's eyebrows went up. "Usually never a good thing. What did he want?"

Eren (with some help from Jean) explained their tale, starting with Mikasa stealing Jean's sword, how they followed Jean to Eren, and the ugly fight on the viaduct. Eren left out the part of Levi's visit at the church, it didn't add anything to the narrative anyway.

"Hmm," Pixis said when they had finished. "The Sword of Mars, you're sure that's what he said?"

Eren nodded.

"Well, I've got some good news for you at least. If Kenny Ackerman claims to carry the Sword of Mars, then he is either lying or is carrying a forgery."

"What makes you say that?" Jean said.

"Because the real Sword of Mars is in my possession. Here, come with me."

Pixis led the way out of the study and down the hall to a trophy room. Swords, shields, and other weapons lined the walls or were mounted on pedestals. Pixis headed towards a box on a pedestal in the back of the room. He flipped the catches on the box open and lifted the lid. His eyes widened as he realized the box was empty.

"That's....not possible," he said quietly. Then he startled the other three by calling out in a suddenly loud voice.

"Hanji! Can you come up here please?"

Thirty seconds later, Hanji came into the room. "What's wrong Pixis?"

"In the last few months, have we had any visitors to the house that I'm not aware of?"

"No, I don't think so, why?"

"Are you sure?" Pixis said, in a deadly serious voice. "It's very important that I know."

"Well...." Hanji said, scuffing the floor with her foot. "A couple months ago, Levi was here. He said he wanted to see me."

"Levi Ackerman...." Pixis said quietly.

"Levi was here?!" Eren said, outraged. "For God's sake, WHY?"

"Look, Eren, I know what he did to you, but we've been friends for so long, before he even met you! What does it matter, anyway?"

Pixis gestured at the empty box. Hanji looked at it for a few seconds, then her eyes narrowed.

"That. Bastard."

Then she whirled around and started walking out of the room.

"Wait, where are you going?" Jean said. 

"I'm going to get my sword, and then I'm going to find Levi and KILL HIM!"

"I'm not sure that would be productive, Hanji," Pixis said. "Damn it all to hell. Well, come on down to the kitchen, everyone. I need a stiff drink and then we can explain all of this."

******

"Alright, so what the hell is the Sword of Mars then? Now that we've established that Kenny has it?"

Pixis sighed and took another drink.

"This requires some backstory. Many thousands of years ago, a race we call the Ancient Immortals lived on Earth. No one is sure where they came from, or where the source of their immortality, their Quickening, came from. What is certain is that they are the founding members of the modern Immortals that walk among humanity today, with all of our quirks."

"Including our irresistable compulsion to cut each other's Heads off," said Eren.

"Indeed. What is also known is that these Ancient Immortals possessed artifacts of great power, such as the Idol of Lazarus that Levi stole from you, Eren. Among these artifacts were swords of the finest craftsmanship. The best swords ever made, weapons that never rusted, never needed to be sharpened, and could not be broken by any tool we now possess. They bestowed upon its wielder enhanced combat abilities, such as greater speed and dexerity. Weapons that could shatter swords that clashed with it, like yours Eren."

"After all this time, very few artifacts of the Ancient Immortals remain known to us, including one of these swords. The Sword of Mars has a bloody history attached to it. It was carried by Atilla the Hun himself as he terrorized Western Europe. I'm not sure how he got it, though the legends about how he was gifted the sword by the God of War himself seem rather far fetched."

"How did you end up with it?" Eren said. 

"After Atilla's army retreated from Italy, I knew it was only a matter of time before he came back, and more bloodshed would follow. I decided I had to stop him. So in 453 AD, I tracked him to his camp, and challenged him. When it was over, Atilla was dead, and I had his sword."

"Atilla the Hun was an Immortal?" Armin said. 

Pixis nodded. "Your Watcher chronicles won't have that recorded, they were never able to infiltrate the Hunnic army to confirm the rumors that Atilla was impervious to injury on the battlefield. But I knew what the rumors meant, as well as what that sword could potentially be. For over 1,500 years I have carried that sword. I always wondered if owning it would lead to my death, that someone would come looking for it. But not that a sneak thief would steal it!"

Hanji had her head on the table. Eren put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Oh great," Jean said. "Kenny Ackerman, certified psycho, has a sword so powerful he's probably going to kill us all with it, and you and me are first on his hit list, Yeager. What the hell do we do?"

Eren was horrified. 

_Why didn't Pixis tell me about this? Was he worried I might steal it myself? Or that Jean would? How do we beat the Ackerman clan if every time I fight Kenny he can break my sword?_

"Please tell me that this isn't the only sword of its kind still in existence," Eren said.

Pixis smiled. "I like where your thinking has gone, Eren. There are in fact three such swords known to us, including the Sword of Mars. One of the other ones, I fear, is decidedly out of our reach."

"How so?" 

"This sword is called, in Japanese, _Kusanagi no Tsurugi_. It is part of the Imperial Regalia of the Japanese Emperor. Unless you become the Emperor of Japan or one of his Shinto priest advisors, it is unlikely you will ever even lay eyes on this weapon. It spends most of its time closely guarded at the Atsuta Shrine in Nagoya."

Eren cringed. Holy Ground, not good. Not to mention it would probably be about as hard to steal as the English Crown Jewels.

"What about the third sword?"

Something gleamed in Pixis' eyes. 

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you."

"Oh come on," said Jean. "It can't be any more far-fetched than anything else you've told us."

Pixis chuckled.

"No, I suppose not. The third sword has just as much of a legendary history as the other two blades. We're not sure exactly where, but it's believed to be hidden away somewhere on the island of Great Britain. According to legend, it waits there for a hero who has desperate need of it."

"What is it called?" Eren said, though he had a feeling he already knew.

Pixis smiled.

"Excalibur, of course."


	8. Pixis Demands a Shrubbery

Levi stared out of the windows of the jet, unable to see anything through the clouds, not even the ocean 30,000 feet below. He was doing his best to ignore the other passengers. Across from him, he could see Mikasa doing the same thing, flipping through a magazine. 

A female giggle echoed through the plane, and Levi sighed. Kenny was playing with his woman again. He didn't like Traute Caven that much. She freaked him out with her nihilistic attitude, it was too much even for him. She had been in GSG-9 but was kicked out after she brutally beat a suspect while in custody. The fact that the majority of GSG-9 missions are classified is the only reason she didn't face charges. Kenny had met her about a year ago, and was now convinced that THIS was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his exceptionally long life with. Hence why he wanted to go looking for Eren.

Levi sighed again, thinking about the look on Eren's face when he told him to leave in the church. 

"So, tell me, WHY are we flying to Rome?" Mikasa said, not taking her eyes off her magazine.

"Weren't you paying attention?" Levi said in a bored voice he'd perfected over the centuries. "I'm guessing that's where Eren disappeared to. He'll have gone to see Pixis. Even if he's not there now, I can talk to Hanji, see if she'll tell me where they've gone."

Mikasa scoffed. "You're going to have a hard time convincing her to trust you once she finds out that you stole the sword."

Levi scowled at her. "I'M not the one that stole it. YOU did."

"Yes but they're not going to know that, are they?" Mikasa said. "All they'll know is that you WERE there, and the sword is missing. The logical conclusion is that you took it."

Levi groaned. He knew she was right, but didn't want to admit it. He didn't like Mikasa that much. They had been fighting for a long time, ever since Kenny found her and trained her, the way he had with Levi before. 

If he was being honest, he didn't like Kenny that much either. In fact, all his life, he hadn't cared for most everyone, except for....well, that didn't matter now. He should have left a long time ago. He HAD left, at various times, sometimes for decades. But he always came back. 

_Like a battered housewife,_ Levi thought bitterly. 

From the back, he heard Traute say in a breathless voice: 

"When the time comes, let ME be the one to capture him, Kenny. Let me bring him to you, prove myself worthy for the immortality you want to bestow upon me!"

Levi rolled his eyes. This woman was 30 years old at most, WHY did she insist on talking like she stepped out of the Renaissance? Levi was there, most people didn't talk like that. There was a lot of swearing that didn't make it into the historical record.

"Yes of course, my dear. But first, prove yourself worthy of another honor that I bestow upon you..."

Traute giggled again and then moaned loudly.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Levi said, annoyed. "I'm going to the bathroom, maybe I won't hear him rutting in there."

Mikasa waved an arm over her head in a dismissive gesture, again not looking up from the magazine. Levi stalked over to the bathroom and locked himself in, and locking those horrible noises OUT. He sighed again. He was trapped in a shitty situation in more ways than one. How was he going to get out of this? He couldn't let them go through with killing Eren, could he? Not while he still felt this way about him. Besides, Kenny amassing power couldn't be a good thing for him. Him having that sword was bad enough. It was only a matter of time before Kenny turned on him or Mikasa. There could be only one, after all. Kenny himself had pounded that into their heads, along with the phrase "Don't trust anybody, or you'll lose your Head. Literally."

_Which makes it weird that he wants to use the idol on Miss Fancy Speech in there,_ he thought. Why would he trust her with immortality? Surely that was opening yourself up for heartbreak. Levi knew that better than anybody. 

Levi pulled out his phone, and texted a brief message:

ACKERMANS COMING TO ROME.

He put his phone away. Now he needed to come up with a plan....

******

"Okay, Old Man, you've had your wine, now tell me about this Excalibur shit."

Eren was growing impatient with his mentor. Before he agreed to talk any more about these literally LIFE OR DEATH issues, he'd wanted to go to dinner. And he wanted everyone to come along. 

"It's been awhile since we've had any company for dinner," Pixis said breezily. So that meant they couldn't just order dinner or cook at the house, nope. They had to go out, to Pixis' favorite restaurant, _Il Secchio Arrugginito_ , which served, of all things, American bar food. 

Armin had been incensed.

"I have waited my ENTIRE LIFE to go to Europe, and now that I'm here, I'm going to eat a _cheeseburger_?"

Eren shrugged and patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll be in Europe for a bit, Armin. We'll get you some authentic food."

Eren did not fail to notice the light blush staining Armin's cheeks when he made contact with him.

_Eren, for Christ's sake. You are being chased by an Immortal psychopath and his gang of miscreants, you do NOT have time to think with your DICK!_

Except maybe he did. You know, a little. 

Pixis had gotten them a private dining room, and then ordered American wine. Because of course he would order American wine. He went through the entire ritual of sniffing the cork and tasting it when the waiter brought the bottle, even though Eren was pretty sure you could get that exact brand at the grocery store back home. Eren got even grumpier when he found out they didn't have any absinthe. Why would they? Nobody drinks absinthe in America outside of New Orleans.

_I should have moved there_ , he grumbled. Then he remembered that Louisiana accents annoyed him, and he put his head in his hands.

After they had ordered, and Pixis had taken a deep draft of his wine, only then did he start talking again.

"Alright then. So Excalibur is, as you know, the legendary sword of King Arthur."

"But King Arthur is a fairy tale, he wasn't a real person, so how can the sword be?" Jean asked.

"You would be right in thinking that, Jean. But my research suggests that the Arthurian legends are based on a real person. A British knight who led an army against the Saxons in the 6th century, after the Western Roman Empire had collapsed."

"The Battle of Badon Hill," Eren said. "But historians can't agree on whether that battle even actually happened, much less if there was anyone named Arthur there."

"Yes. But my research is not of a type that modern historians have access to." Pixis' eyes twinkled. 

"I met a man who fought against Boudica, when she revolted against Imperial rule in Britain. He told me she wielded a sword called _Caledfwlch_ , that she used to drive her enemies before her, that made her faster and stronger than most men. Sound familiar?"

Eren nodded.

"Well, _Caledfwlch_ through the years was first translated into Latin, and then French and English. It is the original name for the sword called Excalibur. Somehow the connection to Boudica was lost, but I believe that the same sword that Boudica wielded ended up in the hands of our Arthur. You have a couple of other pieces of lore here that are relevant. One is that he is said to have found the Holy Grail, the cup of Christ that grants eternal youth. The other is the tale of when he fought Mordred in the final climatic battle. It is said that when they fought, the ground shook and lightning struck and went in all directions. What does that sound like to you?"

"Wait, you don't mean..."

"But I do! The Arthurian legend is based on real people. Immortals specifically! And that Arthur's sword, Excalibur, is one of the legendary Ancient swords. When Arthur died, his body was carried to Avalon, and was buried there with his armor and weapons. If you find Avalon, Eren, you find Excalibur."

"And I don't suppose you know where Avalon is?" Eren said sarcastically.

"I do not! But one of your old friends might," Pixis said, sliding a piece of paper over to Eren with a name and address on it. Eren looked at it and snorted.

"Yeah, okay. So I guess Berlin is my next stop."

"Not quite, Eren, there's something you have to do first."

Eren looked at Pixis. 

"I have taught you that in order to survive, you need to make your sword part of you, an essential part of who you are. You've never really taken that literally, treating weapons as tools, which is fine, its kept you alive so far. But to undertake this quest, and make no mistake, it is a quest, you're going to need a weapon that you strongly identify with. It's the only thing that might save you if Kenny finds you before you can get Excalibur."

"But I don't HAVE a sword I strongly identify with," Eren protested.

"Yes you do," Pixis insisted. "Think about it. A long buried memory."

Eren swore. He KNEW what Pixis was talking about.

"Regensburg. I swore I'd never go back there."

"You're going to have to, and BEFORE you go to Berlin."

Eren sighed. "Fine. We'll take the train in the morning."

"The train? Why are you afraid of flying, Eren?" Armin asked from the other side of the table.

"What? I'm not AFRAID of flying."

"Erwin told me you were."

"Well ERWIN is full of shit. I'm not afraid of flying. I just don't like it, that's all."

"He crashed a plane in the First World War," Jean supplied helpfully. "He swore after that he'd never get in one of those 'death traps' ever again."

"I did NOT crash a plane!" Eren said, while everyone else laughed. Even though he was indignant, he still took notice of Armin's laugh, which lit up his face and combined with his blonde hair made him almost angelic in appearance.

_Oh balls. I've resorted to prose! Maybe I just need to get laid, it HAS been awhile._

Then he looked at Armin again, and knew that wasn't it.

******

That night, Eren couldn't sleep. He ended up in the study, reading a book about King Arthur from Pixis' collection. Pixis found him there and sat across from him.

"You seem troubled, Eren," Pixis said.

"Shouldn't I be? This entire situation is awful."

"It is a trifle difficult, yes. But at the same time, you need this, Eren."

Eren scoffed. "I need some nutcase with a magic sword to chase me around trying to decapitate me?"

"I mean, you need something to do. This quest, it gives you purpose. You haven't had that in awhile, I've seen it the last few times you came here, in your eyes. Like you were struggling to find meaning for yourself."

Eren sighed. "I mean, I'll admit, I was bored. Even if this hadn't happened, I would have probably moved on soon anyway."

"This goes beyond bored, Eren. You've been like this for 15 years."

Eren closed the book. "15 years ago, I saw something that made me question my faith in humanity, Pixis. It made me question myself. All the horrible things humans do to each other, the blood, the violence, the pain. All the things I'VE done. Or worse, what I COULD have done, but didn't."

Eren stared at the wall.

"Sometimes it comes back to me at night, you know. I wish the wars and the fights were the worst, but they aren't. I see Ezekiel, my own brother, ordering my murder. I see the look on Levi's face when he shot me. I see a little boy who has just learned the world is a cruel and terrible place and that sometimes the people you love the most are the ones responsible for the most pain. And death. So much death, it follows me everywhere."

Pixis looked at him with sad eyes and nodded.

"I once felt as you do. I was struggling with all I had seen and done and wondered whether I could bear to go on and continue to witness the suffering around me."

"How did you get through it?" Eren asked.

"I found someone who needed me. A young fellow, barely a man, who had just lost his whole family and was stumbling around unsure of what to do next or even who he was. I found you, Eren. Training you, watching you grow into the man you are, your adventures, it gave me purpose. It fulfilled me, I'd never had a mentee before you, you know. And it made me realize that I could grow to care for someone very much and know that they'd never betray me, and THAT gives me the strength to wake up everyday."

Eren could feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. 

"Thanks, Old Man."

"You have that too, Eren. Jean is your friend, he would do anything for you. He wouldn't be here otherwise. Hanji and I are your friends too. But I think most important to you is that you have young Mr. Arlert with you."

"Armin? He's my Watcher, that's all."

"I've seen the way you look at him when you think nobody's looking. He's more than that and you know it."

Eren growled. "No way. Even if he wasn't my Watcher, he's a baby! I couldn't..."

"He's a grown man, Eren. If you're holding out for someone as old as you, your choices are...rather limited."

Eren opened his mouth to protest again, but Pixis held his hand up.

"I know what you're worried about. You don't want him to get close to you the way Levi did, because then he won't be able to hurt you the way Levi did. You let him in and he hurt you, just like Ezekiel hurt you. So you keep people at arm's length, and you have for 300 years, don't try to deny it, I know more about psychology than Freud ever did."

"What's your point?" Eren said tersely.

"My point is, don't put up barriers between yourself and the world. Don't give this young man the cold shoulder. Find out what HE wants. Give it a chance, and the world might surprise you."

"But...what if I let him in, and he doesn't like what he finds?"

"Eren, I see the way Armin looks at you when he doesn't think YOU are looking. I don't think you have to worry about that." 


	9. Nice of You to Drop By

Armin had gotten bored of staring out the window of the train an hour ago, so now he was typing on his computer. It had been given to him by the Watchers so he could regularly send his reports via super secret high tech encryption that Armin knew jack shit about, but hey, it worked. 

He hadn't sent a report in awhile, since he'd been out at sea, which is obviously out of internet range, and besides, what was he gonna say? "The ocean was wet again today?" "Eren and Jean got bored and started shooting each other to pass the time?" 

_Hmm, maybe that second one would make for interesting reading._

He decided not to type that up anyway. It didn't do much to add to the reputations of his new friends, and besides, some things he wanted to keep just for him. You know, for parties. Yes, Watchers had dinner parties just like every other place of employment, Armin had been to more than a few with his grandfather. The office gossip was a lot more interesting than Dunder Mifflin, that's for sure.

After summarizing what had happened in Rome, he sent the report in and got up to stretch. Eren was playing that game console of his again, and Jean was asleep, leaning against the window. That ruled out any conversations that might be had, Eren got rather...intense when he played video games. Armin found it fascinating. When you thought of, well, old people, you thought Werther's Originals and woolen sweaters, not Eren with his tongue sticking out in concentration while he frantically pushed buttons. 

_I wonder if it's true what they say, that you're only as old as you believe yourself to be. And apparently Eren thinks he's 25._

As though he could hear Armin thinking about him, Eren looked up at him, flashing him a quick smile before dipping his head back down to his game again. Armin's heart fluttered, and he berated himself for acting like a schoolgirl.

_He probably thinks of you as some cute little dog that he's adopted, not as....well...you know._

It was ridiculous. Here Armin was, a grown ass man, and he couldn't even THINK the word "sex" to himself, much less say it out loud.

 _I'm going to be a pathetic virgin forever_ , he groaned internally.

It was becoming readily apparent to him that he had a crush on Eren Yeager, an 845 year old Immortal man who chopped people's heads off to steal their power. It was like his life had derailed into the realm of Twilight fanfiction, only with less BDSM. And what was worse, he didn't even know how it had happened! One moment he was pissed off at the guy, for making him look like an idiot in front of his boss, and the next thing you knew, he was in Europe on some Immortal sword quest and he honest to god SHIVERED whenever Eren touched him. And laughed at every dumb thing he said, or did. And wanted him to touch him more. And....well, you get the idea.

Eren sighed, powered off his game, and took his headphones off. 

"I don't know why I do this to myself."

_Me either, Eren._

"I have played every single Mario game that has ever come out, and I hate ALL OF THEM. Why do I keep playing them?"

_Oh, he meant the game. Of course, I knew that._

"Stockholm Syndrome?" Armin suggested. 

Eren shrugged. "Probably."

He suddenly smacked Jean next to him.

"Oi, French boy! Wake up and see if there's a dining car!"

Jean jerked away and gave Eren a dirty look.

"It's a commuter train, asshole. Maybe there's a snack bar, but you can go look for it yourself, lazy fucker."

Jean closed his eyes again, but just as quickly they snapped open, and his face contorted in concentration. Armin looked at Eren and saw his face looked the same. He recognized it as the Buzz, the feeling that went off in an Immortal's brain to signal to them that another Immortal was close by.

"Who the fuck is that?" Eren said.

"I don't know, do you think Pixis or Hanji followed us?"

"No, they wouldn't sneak up on us, they know better. Whoever it is, it feels like they're getting closer, almost like...."

There was a loud thunk above them.

"...Like they're on the roof of the train." Eren finished.

BAM.

The bullet zipped down from the ceiling and smacked into the floor.

"Motherfucker!"

Eren sprang forward and tackled Armin to the floor, pushing him under the bench seat and lying on top of him. More bangs followed, and bullets were whizzing by everywhere, breaking the window, punching holes in the floor, impacting the padding of the seat above Armin and Eren's head. All Armin could do was stare into Eren's eyes, trying not to give off how terrified he felt. Eren, by contrast, looked concerned, but it seemed to be directed at him, and not himself.

_Guess he knows that if he gets shot, he'll just heal up in a minute. Me, on the other hand...._

Armin tried not to think about it. He was already having childhood flashbacks with the gunshots and smell of gunpowder as it was. Contemplating his own mortality wasn't on the agenda.

The firing stopped, leaving a ringing in Armin's ears. Eren didn't move, he just looked up and called out:

"Jean, are you hit?"

"No!"

Jean emerged from the partition he'd taken cover behind. 

"Stay there, keep Armin covered. I'll go deal with our visitor."

"Are you sure?" Eren said. "What if it's Kenny?"

"Then maybe I'll get to be the next owner of the Sword of Mars," Jean said, flashing them a grin. Then he disappeared from the cabin.

Eren looked down at Armin.

"Are you hurt?"

Armin shook his head. 

"Good. He's right, I guess. I should stay here until we know its safe."

Armin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn't like Armin had a choice in the matter, he couldn't wrestle Eren off of him if he wanted to.

"You're not hit, are you?" Armin asked. Eren grimaced. 

"I think one got me in the leg. I'll be fine though."

Armin nodded.

"Okay, one more question."

"What?"

"Why is your boner rubbing against me?"

Eren went white as a sheet.

******

Jean emerged on top of the train, the wind catching his jacket and flapping it all around him. There was a figure on the other end of the car, digging in a bag.

"I can never find my spare clip when I need it either," Jean remarked. The figure's head snapped up to look at him, and Jean's eyes narrowed. It was Mikasa.

"Hello, lover boy," she said, having to raise her voice to be heard over the roaring wind. 

"One last chance, Mikasa," Jean said, brandishing the musketeer blade he'd gotten from Eren. "Give me back my sword before I skewer you like a pig at a luau."

Mikasa gave a wicked grin and stood up, pulling Jean's katana out from a sheathe on her back.

"I've grown to like this weapon, Jean. I think I'm obliged to tell you to come and take it from me."

Jean walked slowly towards her, sword at the ready.

"How did you find us, anyway?" he said.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Jean stopped. "Maybe I'll just take your Head and find out for myself!"

Then he lunged towards her. Mikasa parried and then switched to an overhand slash, which Jean caught. The two traded blows, the Italian countryside whipping by them as they fought. What a strange sight they must have looked like to anyone who happened to spot them as the train passed.

 _Damn, I forgot how good she was_ , Jean said to himself. He was also irritated at having to fight one handed. He was accustomed to using the katana, a two handed weapon, the musketeer blade's hilt wasn't big enough for both his hands. But, it wasn't like he'd never done it before, and more than held his own.

Then Mikasa started doing acrobatic shit. He swiped at her and she JUMPED over it, and him. She landed behind him and slashed at him, he had to stick his sword behind his back to deflect it and whirled around to face her again. He caught a glimpse of her face when he parried an overhand blow. Her normally expressionless face was contorted, her eyes manic. Her mouth was drawn back into a...smile?

 _She's enjoying herself!_ Jean thought.

Then he saw something else over her shoulder, coming rapidly towards them. On the side of the track was an old water tower, left over from the days of steam engines. And sticking out from the tower was a pipe that hung out over the tracks. The train was passing under it, but it was too low for them.

Jean only had a split second to react, he dropped down into a crouch. Mikasa never had time to realize what he was doing before the pipe struck her in the shoulder blades with a sickening crunch. She flew over Jean's head, crashing further down the roof of the car, sliding into her bag and then over the side of the train, bouncing off the neighboring set of tracks and landing in a heap. 

"Catch ya later, Mikasa!" Jean called out, saluting her with his sword. Then he made for the ladder back into the car to tell Eren and Armin what had happened.

******

Levi knocked on the door of Pixis' house. He knew Pixis wasn't home, which left Hanji in there alone, just like last time. 

_Hanji can't be too mad at me, right? We've been friends for centuries!_

He felt the Buzz coming towards him, he didn't like the aura it gave off. It was....sinister.

Hanji wrenched open the door, looking at him with wild eyes.

_Maybe this was a mistake._

"Just the man I was hoping to see," she said. Then she punched him in the face. Levi's head snapped back, blood gushing from his broken nose.

_Yep, definitely a mistake._

Hanji wasn't done yet though, she grabbed Levi by his ear and dragged him into the house. "Now you get your ass in here and give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't peel off your skin and make gloves out of it!"

******

_Oudenaarde, Flanders, July 1708_

The sounds of battle were deafening: the roar of the cannons, the crackling of muskets, the screams of wounded and dying men. From Levi's position on the left flank of the Allied army, he could see the French troops, a quarter mile in front of him, standing firm, trading shots with the British troops directly in front of him.

 _British troops, what an odd thing to say,_ he thought. The Act of Union had unified England and Scotland into one nation, though they had been ruled by the same monarch for over 100 years, they were ruled as separate kingdoms. Not anymore though.

 _How things change_ , he thought. Less than four years ago, he'd been a palace guard, a comfortable, if boring existence. Now he was a colonel on the Duke of Marlborough's staff. And it was all Eren's fault.

After Eren had left with Marlborough to go back to the war, Levi had been unable to get the other man out of his mind. They had started exchanging letters, but soon it wasn't enough for him. He HAD to see Eren again. So he gave up his comfortable post and spent a lot of money on purchasing a promotion to major in a battalion headed to Marlborough's army. Then he spent even more money buying a lt. colonel's billet, and that was where he was when Marlborough found him, he'd spotted him taking on an entire company of French soldiers with just a handful of men at the Battle of Ramillies and forced them to surrender. The next thing he knew, he was a full colonel, on the Duke's staff, and a frequent drinking companion of the general, who'd taken a liking to "the brilliant young soldier Ackerman."

Eren, of course, wasn't with Marlborough's army. He was still on the staff of Prince Eugene, who was commanding the Austrian army in Italy. This irritated Levi to no end. But now, finally, four years after their great triumph at Blenheim, Marlborough and Eugene were joined together again to take on the French, this time in Oudenaarde. Even though the two armies had been joined together for a few days, Levi still hadn't had a chance to see Eren yet. And now the battle was joined, and all Levi could focus on was what was going on in front of him. It wouldn't do to be decapitated by a cannon ball, after all.

"Dammit, what is he playing at?" Next to him, the Duke of Marlborough lowered his spyglass and slapped his gloves on the rump of his horse.

"Your Grace?" Levi asked.

"I do not understand why the French hold back on the right. Their forces are still in reserve, look!"

He handed Levi the spyglass. Sure enough, around half of the French army was sitting behind the battleline, unengaged.

"Sir, intelligence suggests the Duke of Burgundy and Marshal Vendome have disagreed bitterly the entire campaign. This may be another demonstration of that fractured command structure."

"Yes, Ackerman, I believe you're right. Well I'm not going to sit around and wait for them to remove their thumbs from their asses, I'm going to take the fight to them!" 

He spurred his horse and took off, Levi and the rest of his staff following. 

"General von Lottum!" Marlborough called out, arriving at the Prussian general's position. 

"I intend to attack from the right. I want you to take your battalions out of the line here, and march to support Eugene on the right. Colonel Ackerman!"

"Your Grace!"

"Show General von Lottum where Eugene's position is. When you arrive, tell him that once von Lottum's men are in place, he is to advance and flank the French left wing. At the same time, Overkirk's Dutchmen will hit the other flank and we'll bag the whole bloody army!"

"Yes sir!" Levi saluted, and Marlborough headed off, giving more orders as to the position of his left flank. General von Lottum rode up to Levi.

"I just need to pull my men out of the line, Colonel, and then we can go," he said, in stilted English.

"On your order, General," Levi replied in fluent German. The General looked relieved that he didn't have to try any more English.

******

Prince Eugene cut an impressive figure on his white horse, pointing emphatically at the battle line. Levi rode forward and saluted the Prince.

"Your Highness! His Grace the Duke sends his compliments, and asks that once General von Lottum's forces behind me are in position, that you attack on the right while he and the Dutch attack from the left!"

All of this was spoken in German, surprising the whole Austrian staff, except....

_Eren._

"I didn't know His Grace had someone with such a command of our language on his staff, Colonel. I don't believe we've met?"

"Levi Ackerman, Your Highness."

"Ah! You are Colonel Jaegar's friend, yes? The one he has told me so much about?"

Levi nodded. The Prince rode forward so he could speak to Levi in an undertone.

"You are the one that stole him away from me! I should be jealous of you, but now I see why! When this is all over, you MUST come and see me!"

Levi was a touch uncomfortable with this kind of talk, considering they were in the middle of a battle, but he smiled and nodded anyway. The Prince nodded back.

"Colonel Jaegar! Show General von Lottum where to put his troops in my line. Everyone else, prepare the advance!"

His staff scattered, Eren flashing him a quick smile before riding off. 

"Colonel Ackerman, you would oblige me by staying here with me, in case I need to send a message back to the Duke."

Levi nodded, and watched the brilliant Austrian commander direct his troops in battle. When he wasn't giving orders, he was chatting with Levi amiably about life in the Viennese court, how much Eren talked about Levi, and how much the Prince missed having Eren in his bed. It was the strangest conversation of Levi's life. And Levi wanted to hate Eugene, he could feel the jealousy within him, but it was impossible not to like him, he gave off a charisma that made you want to do the impossible for him.

******

At last, the battle was over. The Duke and the Prince were celebrating their victory at the farmhouse that served as the Duke's headquarters. Levi finally got Eren alone and convinced him to go outside with him. Once around the corner, Levi pushed Eren up against the brick wall and kissed him passionately, holding onto him for dear life.

"Sorry," Levi said, after they broke apart. "I have been waiting to do that for too long."

"Don't be sorry," Eren replied, smiling at him.

They went for a walk, strolling around the tents of the headquarters. They steered clear of the surgeon's tents and the battlefield, where the corpses of the dead were being carried off for burial.

"You gave up the Prince's bed for me?" Levi asked. Eren stopped walking.

"Eugene told you that? That's what he was whispering to you about?"

Levi nodded, and Eren chuckled. 

"That man, he is incorrigible. Yes, I did. I know how jealous you are, Levi. It wouldn't have been right."

"You really like him, don't you?"

"Yes....but I love you, Levi."

Levi smiled. Eren had said it plenty of times in his letters, but this was the first time he'd heard it spoken aloud.

"And I love you, Eren."

They embraced, Levi wrapping his arms protectively around the other man. Something was taking hold in him, a possessiveness, a need to have Eren all to himself....forever. It honestly scared Levi. He had gone through life with a kind of unattached aloofness, not getting close to anybody, playing his Game and trying to stay alive. And then Eren had showed up and made him feel these....things.

"You know," said Levi, after they broke apart again. "I think the Prince cares about you too."

Eren looked at him strangely. "So?"

"So....do you think he would have a problem sharing you?"

"Sharing me?"

"With me, yes."

"What do you mean, sharing me with y...." Eren stared at Levi, mouth open. Then he started laughing.

"Oh Levi, you fiend!" he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Are you being serious?"

"Oh yes, dear Eren. I like Eugene too. If he is alright with the arrangement...."

Eren stopped laughing and looked at him, a sudden gleam in his eye.

"Do you want to go and ask him?"

Levi nodded, and they headed back to the farmhouse. Later, Levi would wonder what came over him. It was like he wanted to prove to himself that he WASN'T jealous, that he COULD share Eren, and didn't need to have him all to himself, forever.

You know, as long as he was the one that got to pick who did the sharing and when, that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All, thank you for your kind comments! Know that I'm not ignoring you, I'm just trying really hard not to give away plot details before the chapters get written and posted, and I feel like if I talk in the comments with you guys too much, I'm going to let something slip. But please keep leaving them, I'm reading them all and knowing that you guys like the story inspires me to keep going!


	10. Castle Doctrine

Eren was going to kill himself. At least three times. Maybe more. However many times it took to get the complete and utter mortification he felt out of his head. 

His stupid, treacherous body had BETRAYED him. All he was trying to do was save Armin from a homicidal maniac with (Eren suspected) a huge inferiority complex, he even got shot in the process. And his body was like "Hey! It'd be fun if we got hard and rubbed our junk all over this guy! You know, the one you like? That won't be awkward at all!"

Armin found the whole thing very funny, which in Eren's mind just made it worse. He had apologized half a dozen times, stammering like a nervous schoolboy, and Armin had told him it was fine, that he understood. But now Eren could hardly look at him, everytime he did, he found the blonde man's eyes on him and had to quickly look down again.

_He's probably afraid that I'm going to jump him again_ , he thought to himself. Jesus Christ, what was WRONG with him? Who even GETS a boner while they're being shot at?

He remembered what Pixis had said. _"I've seen the way he looks at you when he think you're not looking. I don't think you have anything to worry about."_

_Yeah well, that was before my little erectile dysfunction incident_ , he thought bitterly. The only silver lining was that Jean didn't know about this. He would literally never hear the end of it if he did. He wasn't sure why Armin didn't tell him.

The train had stopped. Other passengers had heard the gunshots and reported it. The three of them had pretended that they were never in that compartment. Eren had to change his pants in the bathroom so nobody would see the bloodstain from his wound, which was gone, but still left a hole in his pants.

Now the police were searching the countryside for the shooter, but Eren knew they wouldn't find Mikasa. After all, if he himself had wanted to evade detection, he wouldn't have a problem doing it, most Immortals were the same. It would have been easier if Jean had killed her, but Eren didn't blame him for that, shit happened. They'd been fighting on top of a train, for Christ's sake!

"What are we going to do now?" Jean said. "They're going to know we're on the way to Regensburg and come after us. I don't think we should go there."

"We have to," Eren replied. "I still don't have a sword, I have to get the one that's in Regensburg."

"What's so important about this sword?" 

"My father gave it to me," Eren said. "It was my first blade. He taught me how to use it. It was what I killed Ezekiel with. Afterwards, I couldn't bear to keep it, so I put it in the crypt where my father was supposed to have been buried, it was empty because his body never made it back from Constantinople. That was 800 years ago, I don't know why Pixis even still thinks its in there."

"I mean, it's a crypt, right? It stands to reason it would still be there," Armin said.

"Not necessarily," Eren said, unable to look Armin in the eye, "The damn castle is a museum now, who knows what they did to it? Or it could have been stolen by grave robbers, looted during the Wars of Religion, or it could be there but rusted beyond use or broken or God knows what."

"So, to summarize," Jean said, "We're going to a crypt you haven't seen in eight centuries, to find a sword that may or may not even be there, knowing that we'll be pursued there by people who want to kill us, all because Pixis told you that you had to?"

"Yep."

"Cool, let's go rent a car then."

******

Initially, Jean had insisted on driving the car. However, Eren pointed out that speed was essential here since they were being pursued, and furthermore, fuck YOU Jean for insinuating I'm a bad driver. Jean had thrown his hands up and given in.

According to Armin's phone, the journey to Regensburg from Bologna should have taken seven and a half hours. Eren managed it in six. He thought Jean was exaggerating a little by holding on for dear life, white knuckled. 

"The trick is getting on the Autobahn once you get out of Austria," Eren explained to Armin. "You can drive as fast as you want there."

"So what were you doing on the roads in Italy and Austria then?" Jean said, exasperated.

"Driving in a careful manner so that all my passengers arrived in one piece," Eren said without missing a beat. 

"Bullshit!"

They rounded a bend, and there was Regensburg Castle. It looked very different from how Eren remembered it, surrounded by the trappings of modern civilization, but at the same time, it looked just as it had when he had fled the castle all those centuries ago.

"God, you grew up in that thing?" Jean said. Eren didn't answer. He found a parking lot for a local beer hall, it was already filling up with cars so their vehicle was unlikely to be noticed. By the time they'd walked the half mile from the parking lot to the castle, the sun had set and cast the city into dusky twilight.

Eren stopped and looked up at the imposing structure. Memories flooded through his mind, childhood memories he hadn't thought about in a long time. Learning to ride a horse, swing a sword. Laughing and playing with his father, and his brother. 

_"Nothing personal, Otto."_

Ezekiel's words rang through his head. It was what he had said right before he had his men haul him off to be murdered. His own brother, who he loved, and who he thought had loved him in return. But he'd thrown it all away, and for what? Title? Land? This castle? All were just trinkets to Eren. He had never cared that Ezekiel was a bastard, he was going to share his duchy and everything in it with him, he didn't care. But the betrayal had wounded him far worse than any blade.

Eren blinked back tears at the thought. 

_There's no use crying over it now_ , he chided himself. _It's all over and done with. You're here now for a reason._

"So where is the crypt?" Armin asked him.

Eren cleared his throat and made sure his face was dry before looking at his companions.

"In the deepest level. Normally we would enter from inside the castle, but unless you feel like breaking and entering, we'll use the escape tunnel."

He led them around the back of the grounds, following the perimeter fence. Across the street from the fence was a grass covered hill that he stopped in front of. He could picture in his mind's eye where the exit to the tunnel had been on this hill, and walked around it until he found where he thought it was. Using a garden trowel, he chopped through about six inches of grass and dirt before he struck wood, and knew he'd found it. 

When he was finished excavating, they were looking at a round hole about five feet across covered by an ancient wooden hatch. Eren kicked it, and the rotten wood splintered easily, the hatch crumbling and falling into the hole, down a set of rough cut stone steps that disappeared into the darkness. Eren produced a powerful flashlight he'd picked up in Rome and shined it down into the hole, looking all the way down to the bottom.

"Let's hope the tunnel hasn't caved in or been blocked somehow," Eren said. 

"I'll wait here," said Jean. "Make sure nobody follows you two down."

_Great. Leave me alone in a dark hole with Armin. Thanks Jean._

Still, Eren shrugged and led the way into the tunnel, Armin following.

The tunnel smelled musty. Roots stuck through gaps in the stone ceiling, and Eren hoped his light wouldn't shine on any rats or some other horrid creature that lived down here. He refused to shine a light on the floor to see what he was stepping on. 

"So, listen, about earlier..."

_Oh no._

"I'm not sure now's the best time to have this conversation, Armin," Eren said. To be honest, he thought the best time to have this conversation was when he was dead.

"No, it's perfect because Jean isn't around to overhear."

"As much as I appreciate you trying to protect my dignity from Jean, he's going to find out eventually, so it doesn't matter," Eren said, resignedly. 

"No! What I was going to say is.....it's okay, really. Actually, I found it kind of flattering."

Eren stopped dead, causing Armin to bump into him. He turned around and pointed the flashlight at the ceiling, so that it wasn't shining in Armin's face but he could still see him.

"I'm sorry, you want to run that by me again?"

Armin's face flushed. 

"I was kind of flattered when I.....felt you down there. Guys don't normally....take an interest in me like that."

Eren found THAT hard to believe.

"Not even in college?" Eren said. It had been a few hundred years since he'd BEEN to college, but if it was anything like it was back then, there was a LOT of sex.

Armin looked at his shoes. 

"In college, I was the shy, socially awkward kid who spent all his time in his dorm room or at the library when I wasn't in class. I didn't go to parties, not that I was invited anyway, and most people didn't give me a second glance. The ones who did...well, they thought I looked too "girly" for them. I DID have a professor offer to give me a perfect grade in his class if I dressed up in a maid's outfit and let him film me, so I guess that's something, right?"

Sympathy flowed through Eren, which he refused to let progress to pity.

"Well, fuck them then, you deserve better," Eren said. "You'll find someone who likes you for YOU, not what you look like."

"Besides, uh...." Eren's face colored. "You look fine to me. You know, just the way you are."

Armin looked up at him, searching his face as if he were looking for any sign of teasing or insincerity. When he didn't find it, he smiled shyly at Eren, who was ready to transmogrify into a puddle on the floor.

"Thanks," Armin said. Eren managed a smile back, then turned around and started walking again.

A few seconds of silence went by, then Armin piped up again:

"I was also surprised at how big it was."

Eren started choking on his own spit.

******

Soon they reached the end of the tunnel. Eren shined his light up at the entrance in the ceiling, covered by a round stone block that he suspected was going to be an absolute bitch to move. He gave Armin the flashlight and, with all his effort, managed to shift the damn slab up and to the side. Together, they climbed up into the room above them. 

Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. The smell of decay permeated throughout the crypt. It didn't look like anyone had been down here in a long time. Eren wondered if it was even possible to get here from the castle now, surely this room would be better maintained if it was? But Eren dismissed the thought as unimportant. There were torches on the walls that Eren discovered still were viable, so he struck a match and lit a torch, then used that one to light the rest of them, adding a lot more flickering light than his flashlight provided. 

THIS room was exactly how he remembered it, and it didn't take him long to find the tomb that was designed for his father. _Gregorius Robertum Bavariae Ducem_ was carved into the stone. Eren sighed, sadly thinking back to when his father had died, so far from home, never to come back and be buried with his forefathers. What a monumental waste the Crusades had been.

Together, he and Armin pushed the stone lid of the tomb aside about a foot and a half, not enough to cause it to fall, but wide enough that he could stick his hand inside. He shined the light down into the tomb. No body, which kind of surprised him. He was surprised they didn't stick some other dead member of the House of Wittlesbach in here, it wasn't like these things were cheap to make. 

_Did they just forget my father wasn't actually entombed inside? I mean, with all the chaos surrounding the transition of power, I wouldn't be surprised_.

A glint caught on the flashlight. There it was. He reached inside and grasped the scabbard, hoisting it and the weapon it carried out of the tomb. It was his sword, there was the family motto stamped on the hilt. _Cum fide virtus_ , "Virtue with Loyalty."

Eren had inspected the blade to be rusted to the scabbard, so it surprised him when he was able to draw it with no resistance at all. He inspected the blade in the light, it was incredible. There wasn't a spot of rust on it. It looked to be in the exact same condition that he had last seen it in 800 years ago. 

_That shouldn't be possible._

He gave the sword a few experimental swings, it was perfectly balanced. He remembered when his father had given him this sword. "Treat it well, and it will treat you the same," he had said. This blade had pierced the heart of a dozen men, including his own brother after that nasty duel. 

So absorbed was he in his memories, he didn't hear the soft clicking noise behind him, and was startled when a harsh female voice said "Put that sword down, now."

Eren whirled around. There was a woman there, blue eyes glimmering in the torchlight, blonde hair pulled back tightly in a bun. She was dressed in black military fatigues, and she had a pistol pointed at the back of Armin's head.

"Put the weapon down or I'll blow your little friend's head off," she said.

"Easy," Eren said. "I'm putting it down."

Gently, he bent over and placed the sword on the floor, never taking his eyes off of her. Once he'd straightened back up again, the woman violently shoved Armin away from her. He fell over and landed on his butt, staring wide eyed at the woman, who now had her pistol pointed at Eren.

_She's not an Immortal, I would have felt her. Who is she?_

She answered that question immediately. "I don't know why Kenny said you'd be dangerous, you look like a pushover to me, Eren Yeager."

"Ah," Eren said, understanding now. "You're the mortal that Kenny wants to use the Idol of Lazarus on."

"Put your hands up, Yeager, and shut up."

He raised his hands over his head, palms pointing at her. 

"Now, are you going to be a good boy and walk out of here, or do I have to shoot you and drag your ass to Kenny so he can behead you?"

"Neither option sounds particularly attractive, to tell the truth."

She took a step towards him.

"Not from where I'm standing," she said. "I suppose I could just shoot your blonde boyfriend over there instead, I hear he won't come back if he dies like you will."

She swung the gun back over at Armin. Eren knew what he needed to do, and took two small, almost unnoticeable steps toward her. 

"You're going to leave a body here? That's not very smart," Eren said. "Kenny wouldn't like it if you got picked up by the police, would he?"

She now turned the gun back to Eren. "Come with me without a fuss and he can stay here with the corpses."

"Alright," he took one more step. "Let's go then."

She leaned a little towards him, as though suspicious he wasn't putting up a fight. And just like that, she was close enough for Eren to act. He straightened his fingers, making knife hands, and slashed his arms forward in an X motion. The edges of both his hands hit her wrist, forcing her to drop the gun involuntarily. He followed up with a front kick to her solar plexus, knocking her away. He adopted a fighting stance as she recovered quickly.

"Still think I'm a pushover?" he said. She snarled at him and lunged forward. He blocked her first two blows and retaliated with a knee that pushed her back. He went with her and tried to push the palm of his hand in an upward strike to break her nose, but she caught his wrist with both hands and pulled him forward, slamming him into the wall. He whirled around and saw she was going for her gun. He tackled her to the ground from behind. 

She threw an elbow into his ribs and used his flinch to roll them around on the floor, so that she was on top of him. She went for his throat to try and choke him, but he was too fast and lashed out at her eyes, forcing her to protect herself. She went for a combat knife that was sheathed in her boot and tried to stab him with it, but he caught her wrist and pushed with all his might. It was a strenous test of strength, but from her position, she could leverage her weight to force the knife closer and closer to his chest, Eren growled and pushed back with all his might, but he could see he was about to lose this fight.

BAM.

The woman suddenly went stiff, the knife slack in her hands. Eren knocked it away, but she didn't seem to notice. Instead, she clutched at the small of her back, her eyes rolling back into her head, and then she fell backwards with a crash onto the floor. In her place was Armin, the pistol gripped in his shaking hand, eyes blown wide with fear.

Eren went over to the woman, who was glassy eyed and still. He checked for a pulse, and found none. 

"Hey, Armin buddy," he said softly. "It's over now, she's gone. Give me the gun, okay?"

Armin's hands were shaking even worse now, and he offered no resistance when Eren gently pulled the gun from his grip, setting it on top of the tomb.

"I....I killed her," Armin said, in a wobbly sort of voice.

"You had to, you saved my life, Armin."

Eren gripped Armin by the shoulders, steadying him.

"She was....I was so close to.....oh my God, Eren...."

Eren knew what was going to happen before it did, so when Armin dissolved into sobs, tears pouring down his face, Eren grabbed hold of him, hugging him tightly. Armin slid down onto the floor, and Eren went with him, and they sat like that for awhile, Armin's crying echoed off the walls of the dusty crypt while Eren made calming noises and the blood of the dead woman made a soft "drip, drip, drip" noise down into the tunnel underneath them.


	11. One Hundred Nazi Scalps

_Casablanca, April 1943_

Eren sat in a corner of the bar, sipping a whiskey and watching the soldiers carouse. He was dressed in the "pinks and greens" dress uniform of the United States Army, silver captain's bars on his lapels. 

He was here in Casablanca to meet with a contact in the German Underground. With the entire world at war, Eren had slipped back into an old role: that of a spy. What was strange was that he wasn't fighting for Germany this time, Eren had been unimpressed by Hitler's rise to power and had left the country in 1936. 

Eren's foresight had proved to be wise, as he watched safely from America as Germany went to war with the entirety of Europe, and then the rest of the world. Hanji had asked him to join her in the Office of Strategic Services, and now, here he was, in Casablanca. Part of him expected Humphrey Bogart to walk in the door any second. 

The Buzz sounded in his head, startling him. He looked up and locked eyes with a newcomer, a man with brown hair and freckles. The man made his way over to him.

"Fancy meeting you here," the man said casually. "My name's Marco."

"Eren Yeager."

"I've heard of you. Though you pronounced your name differently, from what I recall."

"I had to change it, German names aren't too popular these days, you might imagine."

"Indeed."

"I don't mean to be rude, Marco, but I'm kind of here to meet someone, so if you're hoping to take my Head, you're gonna have to do it another time."

Marco laughed.

"You're here to meet me, Captain Yeager. I brought your gift."

He plunked a paper bag down on the table. Eren pulled out a bottle of absinthe.

"Son of a bitch, what are the odds?" Eren said. The way he was supposed to recognize his contact is by them presenting him with a bottle of absinthe. Allen Dulles knew how much he liked the stuff, that man has a twisted sense of humor. 

"Alright, Marco, have a seat. Oh, by the way, Mom told me to tell you the schnitzel's gone cold."

Marco inclined his head, then took a seat. 

"Did she? That's a shame. Guess we'll have to go find a replacement."

Eren slid the bottle of whiskey over to Marco. Now that the code phrases were out of the way, and they had verified each other's identities, they could proceed to business.

"You asked for a meetup in person, Marco, and they sent me. So what do you have?"

Marco took a pull out of the bottle, made a face, and set the bottle back down.

"I've got a German scientist who's worked on the Nazi secret weapon program, who is willing to spill his guts to the Allies if they get him out of Germany."

"Interesting. What's his angle?"

"According to my sources, the local Gestapo officer is having an affair with the Good Doctor's wife. He's worried that they'll conjure trumped up charges on him to get him out of the picture so that his loving wife can jump into Gestapo Boy's bed full time."

Eren scoffed at the absurdity of it. "How do we know he has anything of actual value?"

"Because we know for a fact he works for Werhner von Braun."

Eren rubbed his chin in thought. Von Braun was a big fish, believed to be working on some sort of "wonder weapon" that would win the war for the Nazis. 

"I assume if we get him out, he brings his papers as well as whatever knowledge he has?"

Marco nodded.

"Alright, how do we get him out?"

"You're coming with me, then?"

"That's why they sent me and not some bookworm."

Marco chuckled.

"Right. So I've been doing some thinking about that...."

******

_Hamburg, Six Weeks Later_

The school bus pulled up to the gates of the concentration camp. The door opened, and Eren stepped off. He was immaculately attired in the uniform of an officer of the Wehrmacht, with arrogance to match. He casually returned the salutes of the gate guards.

"How can we help you, sir?" One of them asked.

"I have an order here," Eren said, pulling out a folded piece of paper, "that I am to take a consignment of your prisoners out on an extended work detail."

He handed the paper to the guard, who looked at it.

"Four dozen boys between the ages of 9 and 13?"

Eren shrugged. "They didn't tell me why, and I don't really care to know. I'm just a procurement officer."

The guard nodded, sagely. "Procurement officer" was a slang term, commonly used to refer to German officers who were engaged in shady business at the orders of their superiors. If Eren was here to pick up prisoners, there was a good chance a senior officer in either the Army or the SS had sent him, and what that officer wanted those prisoners for could only be guessed at, though you could imagine it wasn't anything good....or legal.

"I'll have to notify the commandant," the guard said.

"Of course! Please give him this as my way of apologizing for any inconvenience," Eren said, holding out a bottle of French champagne. 

******

45 minutes later, Eren was looking at 48 scared looking boys, seated on the bus, looking at him as Marco pulled away from the camp. He was dressed as a German sergeant, and said to Eren as they left the camp behind, "I can't believe you pulled that off without any questions being asked."

"What can I say, I'm a master of bullshit," Eren replied, and Marco laughed. 

"Listen to me, boys!" Eren said, raising his voice. "Do not be afraid of me or my friend, we are here to help you! I am with the Allies, we are going to get you out of the country and to safety."

Some of the faces looked skeptical, others confused, and a few looked hopeful.

"In order to do that, you need to listen to us, and do exactly what we tell you, alright?"

There were nods.

"Good! Now, a few miles away we're going to pull off the road and change your clothes. Stay with the group, don't try to run away, and get back on the bus when we tell you."

******

The bus pulled up to a residential house in Hamburg, Marco beeping the horn to attract the attention of the resident. The Doctor came out of his house, looking rather confused. Eren gave him a bright smile. 

"Ah Professor! So good of you to agree to chaperone the boys on their field trip!" Eren said, then in an undertone added "Get on the bus, Doctor, we have a boat to catch, understand?"

His eyes widened as he realized what was happening. 

"Ah yes, of course. Anything for the children. Let me just...go back inside and grab the tickets we need!"

"I'll come with you!" Eren said brightly. "Wouldn't want you to get lost on the way."

The two of them disappeared into the house, leaving Marco outside with the boys, now disguised as members of the Hitler Youth. Eren had asked where he'd gotten the uniforms and Marco just shrugged. Some things it was better not to know.

******

They were halfway to the town of Husum, on the Black Sea, where their boat was, when they were stopped at a military checkpoint. The guards were polite enough, and didn't ask to check all the childrens' identification, which was good, because they didn't have any. 

"You're just going to have to wait over here to the side, sir. We've got a military convoy due through here in a few minutes, they get priority." 

Eren chatted with one of the guards while the second one walked idly up and down next to the bus. Suddenly, the pacing guard stopped, and stared hard into the bus. Then he raised his MP40 submachine gun.

_Shit!_

Two loud cracks broke the silence, and the guard crumpled to the ground. Before the guard standing next to Eren could react, Eren drew his pistol and shot the man in the throat. He ran up to Marco, who was out of the bus, kneeling next to the other guard.

"What happened!" Eren said as he reached him.

"Fucking hell! He recognized me. He said he was going to arrest me."

"Shit! There's a military convoy coming down here any minute, we've got to get out of here!"

Marco swore again and sprinted back to the bus. Eren bent down and picked up the dead guard's MP40 and spare magazines. He ran back to the other guard and grabbed his weapon and ammo as well. He spotted a military truck cresting the hill behind them as he ran back to the bus.

"They're coming! Go!"

Marco floored it, but they weren't exactly in a racecar, here. Soon enough, three soldiers on motorcycles caught up to them.

"Pull over!" one of them shouted. 

"Fuck that!" Eren said. He smashed the back window of the bus, and fired the MP40. Two of the soldiers went down quickly, and the third dropped back out of range, no doubt to call for help.

"Boys! Get your heads down! No matter what happens, do not look up!" Eren said, walking up the center aisle towards Marco. The children were ducking down, some went all the way down to the floor.

The Doctor looked terrified, but said nothing. 

"We're going to have to run all the way to Hussum, Marco," Eren said. Marco nodded. 

"Don't worry, about ten kilometers down the road, my friends have a surprise for anyone pursuing us." 

"If we survive that long," Eren said darkly. He turned around and saw more motorcycles and cars chasing them. 

"Just hold them off, Eren!" Marco said.

Eren went to the back of the bus, shouting "Heads down!" all along the aisle. He waited for the first motorcycle to get close enough, then opened fire. 

They engaged in a running gun battle, Eren trading shots with soldiers mounted on bikes or in cars. He'd managed to take down three more motorcyles and one car, but there were still too many of them, and they were starting to pepper the bus with shots, breaking the windows. Eren was worried it was only a matter of time before one of the kids got hit, or a shot hit the gas tank or a tire, and they were finished.

"Get ready!" Marco said. "Get down, Eren!"

Eren took cover behind a seat, keeping his gun at the ready. The school bus hit a bump, then behind him, he watched as the entire road exploded. Linked charges planted in the road went off right under their pursuers, sending vehicles and bodies flying in all directions, along with a pillar of flame. The back windows of the bus shattered, showering Eren in broken glass. But the bus kept going, and as he watched, nobody was chasing them anymore. 

Eren walked back to the front of the bus.

"That was some surprise," he remarked, leaning against the driver's seat and ruffling Marco's hair. The other man grinned. The Buzz interrupted their banter, drawing their attention to a blonde man standing in the middle of the road, holding a sword.

"Shit!" Marco said. "It's Reiner Braun. He's in the SS, he's here for me. Eren, if we don't deal with him, he could have the port shut down and we won't be able to get out."

"Leave him to me," Eren said, reaching behind the driver's seat for a sword he'd stashed there just in case. 

"I can't ask you to fight my battles for me, Eren!"

"Marco, get these people to Hussem and get them out of here. I'll follow after I'm done with him."

Marco still hesitated.

"Now, Marco!"

Marco gulped and nodded, slowing the bus to a stop and opening the door. Eren stepped off and the bus drove away, leaving him and the blonde man alone on the deserted roadway.

The man pointed his sword at him.

"You are not Marco."

Eren shrugged. "Sorry to disappoint you, Reiner. Just Eren here."

"Ehren von Jaeger?" Reiner questioned.

"Well spotted. Where's that gigantic friend of yours you always hang around with? Bertie I think it is?"

Reiner scoffed. "Bertholt is stationed in the south, near Munich. I did not come for you, Jaeger, I came for that meddling fool Marco."

"Well I'm here, Braun. And the only way you're getting out of here is if you kill me."

"That can be arranged," Reiner said icily.

"Try me, you Nazi fuck."

******

Armin was a killer. That simple fact played on his mind like a CD stuck on a scratch, over and over again.

It didn't matter that Traute Caven (as Eren found out from her ID when he went through her pockets) was trying to kill them. That it was self defense. He had fired a gun, and killed someone. And it haunted him.

They had left her there, Eren getting the idea to put her body in the empty tomb that he'd pulled the sword out of and replacing the lid. All that remained were some bloodstains on the ground. It was unlikely that anybody would think to look for her in there.

They'd found Jean outside, a knife stuck in his back. 

"Some sentry you were," Eren said, once Jean was revived. 

"She snuck up on me!" Jean protested. "I was expecting an Immortal enemy, not a mortal one."

Eren just rolled his eyes. "Let's get out of here."

Armin trailed behind Eren and Jean on the walk back, lost in his thoughts. He was startled when Jean appeared out of nowhere beside him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright, Armin?" he asked. Armin nodded.

"No you're not," Jean said. "Eren told me what happened. I'm sorry, Armin."

"Why? It's not your fault," Armin said.

"I mean, it kind of is, but that's not why I'm apologizing. I know how you feel. The first time I killed someone, I threw up afterwards."

"Really?"

Jean nodded. "The first time Eren killed someone, it was his half brother. It ate him up inside. It didn't matter what Ezekiel had done to deserve it, Eren is still haunted by it."

"Oh." Armin wasn't sure how this was supposed to make him feel better. "How do I....how do I keep it from bothering me so much?"

"Well, you have to let some time pass. It'll give you more perspective. Also, you have to remember: that in order to feel like you do, you have to be alive. Better to be alive and feeling bad than dead and not feeling anything at all. And make no mistake, if you hadn't killed her, she would have killed you."

Armin had figured that one out already.

"Thanks Jean, I feel a little better," he said. 

"Don't mention it kiddo. That's the second time you've saved Yeager's scrawny ass now, you must really like him, huh?"

Armin's face reddened. "I don't know WHAT you're talking about."

Jean smirked but said nothing. 

"Hey, you slowpokes need to get a move on!" Eren called out ahead of them. "I want to put some distance between us and this town before we stop for the night."

They ended up staying in a hotel about an hour north of Regensburg. Eren paid with cash and gave his name as "Gunther Schultz."

"Some asshole I killed back in the 1500s," Eren explained. "He threatened to castrate me before beheading me, can you imagine?"

"And what a tragedy that would have been," Jean said sarcastically.

"If you're jealous, honey, you can hop on it anytime."

"No no," Jean said, "I wouldn't want your boyfriend mad at me."

Armin got the distinct impression that Jean was referring to him. And he didn't like it. I mean, he liked the THOUGHT, just not, you know, the sarcasm. Especially not when he took the second bed and rather specifically indicated that he preferred to sleep alone. 

_Why the hell is everyone so invested in my love life? Or lack of one?_

Still, when Armin woke up the next day and found that Eren had been spooning him, he didn't push him away. 

******

"How hard is it to find one Immortal in this damn city! We've been driving around all day!" Jean complained. 

They had left the hotel and driven to Berlin, to the address that Pixis had said was where Marco lived. Only, he wasn't home. Not content to sit around and wait for him, Eren decided that they should drive around the city and look for him. Or rather, see if the Buzz went off indicating an Immortal was nearby.

"Unlike that shitty little town in France you came from," Eren said testily, "Berlin is a big place. It takes time to look properly."

"Bullshit! You stopped at the Brandenburg Gate for an hour!"

"We had lunch at the Brandenburg Gate, idiot. Besides, Armin said he wanted to see it."

Armin couldn't decide if he found their constant bickering endearing or annoying. He supposed it was a combination of both. 

"I never said I wanted to see the Brandenburg Gate specifically, Eren," Armin said. "I just said I hoped we had time to see some of the sights in Berlin before we left, since I didn't get to see any of Rome."

"Well, Armin, we have a pack of killers on our tail, in case you hadn't noticed," Jean said. "Sorry that we don't have time to sightsee."

"Don't mind him," Eren said. "He's just cranky because his ass is sore and he hasn't been laid in months."

"You...." Jean started to argue back, but then they both went stiff. Clearly they'd caught some of the Buzz. Eren pulled the car into a street parking space and they got out. 

"Whoever it is, they're moving away from us," Eren said.

"Do we want to chase them? They might think we're following them because we're hostile," Jean said.

"No, they were already moving away from us before we got out. I think they're running from something else, not us."

"Or running towards something," Armin pointed out.

Eren shrugged. "Maybe."

They cut through a back alley, trying to cut off whichever Immortal it was.

"Watch it not even be Marco," Eren said. "I'll be so mad if it's Connie and Sasha, running to an Oktoberfest tasting or something."

"It isn't October," Jean said. "And who is Connie?"

"Oh, you haven't met him? He's Sasha's new boyfriend. Well, new in the sense that they've been together a couple decades. He's kinda cute if you go for the buzzcut thing."

"How come I haven't met him yet?" Jean said.

"Maybe you have and he was just going by a different name?" Eren shrugged. "It's not like we know every single Immortal on Earth, man."

"Shit, here comes whoever it is," Jean said. "How did we get ahead of them?"

"We didn't, I think they doubled back," Eren said. "Let's stop here and see what happens."

They came to a stop, Armin realizing he was a little more out of shape than he realized. 

"Can we...can we stop running?" Armin wheezed out. "I haven't had centuries to hone my......aerobic abilities, you know."

"You need to work out more, Armin," snorted Jean. "You're gonna need more stamina if you want to keep up with Yeager, know what I mean?" He winked.

"Fuck you, Jean," Armin hissed out. Both Immortals laughed.

Around the corner came a whirl of motion. There was a man running, carrying a bag over his shoulder, and behind him were several police officers, yelling at him to stop.

"That's Marco," Eren said. "What the hell is he doing?"

Marco spotted them as he got closer, but didn't slow down. 

"Sorry guys, no time to talk now!" He shouted in English as he passed them. "I'll have to explain later!"

And just like that he was gone, and so were the cops. Jean turned to Eren.

"Dude, why are all your friends so fucking weird?"

Eren scoffed. "You say that like you AREN'T one of my friends."


	12. The Ethical Implications of Immortal One Night Stands

"Do you think the police arrested him?"

Eren scoffed. "Not likely, Armin. Marco's been stealing things for 500 years. He doesn't get caught."

Not sure where else to go, they had returned to Marco's address, and were camped out in a cafe across the street. Armin had discovered to his delight that it was a Polish restaurant that served perogies, which were his favorite. He was working his way through a large plate of them. He actually GROWLED at Jean when he tried to take one without asking. It reminded Eren of Sasha so much he had to excuse himself to the bathroom to avoid dying of laughter.

"Okay seriously, what do we do if he doesn't come back?" Jean said. 

Eren shrugged. "We'll have to get a hotel room and try again tomorrow."

Jean didn't look happy with that answer, so Eren continued, "If you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it."

"We shouldn't wait around doing nothing waiting for Kenny to catch up to us," Jean said.

Eren ignored the rest of whatever Jean was talking about, because something much more interesting had suddenly gotten his attention. As Armin reached out to grab another pierogi, Eren caught his arm.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

Eren turned Armin's arm over so it was palm upward. "You don't have a tattoo."

Armin blinked at him. "What?"

"Your arm, it doesn't have a Watcher tattoo on it."

Armin snatched his arm back. "I never said that I did, you're the one that assumed I did."

"Yeah, and you know what happens when you assume, Eren," Jean added, taking any opportunity to make fun of Eren.

"Does...does that mean you're not a Watcher then?" Eren asked, confused. 

Armin rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm a Watcher. We just don't do tattoos anymore. We have these now." 

He pulled a silver ring off of his right hand and gave it to Eren. 

"Look on the inside of the band," he instructed. Eren held up the ring to the light, and there, on the inside, was an engraving of the Watcher symbol that Eren had seen tattooed on their arms.

"Clever," Eren said, giving the ring back. "When did they come up with that?"

"I don't know, Erwin started it, when he took over as the Head Watcher, he started issuing them to new Watchers instead of tattoos. He said they were less noticable."

Eren rolled his eyes. "He would come up with something like this, clever bastard."

The Buzz went off then, drawing Eren's attention to the street.

"See?" Eren said to Jean. "I told you he'd show up."

The bell above the shop rang as Marco came into the cafe. 

"Alright, whoever you are, you're clever, I'll give you that," Marco said as he pulled up a chair. "Most of the time people who are looking to kill me don't go through the trouble of finding out where I live."

Then he locked eyes with Eren, and his eyes widened.

"Wait, Eren?" Marco said. "What are..." 

Eren smiled. "Hi Marco. Not trying to kill you, by the way."

Marco smiled. 

_God, he looks the same as he did back then...._

******

_London, August 1943_

Perhaps it wasn't the smartest idea for Eren to answer his hotel room door without checking who it was first, considering the Buzz had just gone off, but he had a feeling he knew who it was. Sure enough, Marco was there.

"Eren, thank God!" Marco said, pushing into the hotel room and grabbing Eren up in a hug. "When you got off that bus, I wasn't sure if I would ever see you again!"

Eren laughed. "It's okay Marco, I'm here. And Reiner won't bother you again."

Marco pulled away and looked at him. "You killed him then?"

Eren nodded. "I heard you got our guests safely here."

"You and everyone else," Marco said, handing him a rolled up newspaper.

ALLIED AGENTS SMUGGLE 50 JEWISH CHILDREN OUT FROM UNDER HITLER'S NOSE

Eren looked up from the headline. "I thought it was only 48 boys."

Marco rolled his eyes. "It was. Apparently the newsman thought 50 sounded better. Nothing in there about the scientist though, that's top secret."

"Do the Germans know?" 

Marco shook his head. "They think Churchill sent us to steal the kids out of the concentration camp to tweak Hitler's nose. Plus, SOMEONE burned down the scientist's house in Hamburg, and they found a body inside. It's a shame really, how many people die in household accidents."

Eren laughed and walked over to where his bottle of whiskey was sitting, pouring two glasses.

"A rousing success, then."

"Indeed," Marco said, taking one of the glasses. They toasted and downed the liquor. 

"You know," Marco said, sitting down next to Eren. "I've been a thief for most of my life. I'm really good at stealing things. But nothing I've ever taken has ever made me feel as good as what we did, Eren."

"I know what you mean," Eren said. "Did you know the Nazis are using poison gas on kids like that? Killing them just because they're Jewish. It's barbarism of a kind I've never seen before, and I was around during the Crusades."

Marco shuddered. "Yes. It's why I joined the underground. It's evil, pure and simple."

After another glass of whiskey, Marco said, "You know, I think we make a pretty good team, Eren."

Eren nodded, then jumped when Marco put a hand on his thigh. His cheeks heated up at the unexpected, if not unwelcome contact.

"Marco, wait..." Eren said, clearing his throat. A flicker of something sad passed over Marco's eyes, then was gone. 

"I'm sorry, did I read you wrong? Do you not like me that way?" Marco said, sounding apologetic. 

"No! I mean, yes! I mean....ugh!" Eren ran his hand through his hair, messing it up. "I think you're adorable, Marco. Who wouldn't like you? It's just...." he paused, then after a breath, continued.

"Once, a long time ago, I fell in love with an Immortal. And he hurt me, Marco. Hurt me so bad I can feel it 228 years later. Since then, I swore I'd never fall in love with another Immortal again. It's not personal, you understand?"

Marco smiled. "I get it, Eren. And I'm sorry you got hurt like that. But..." he bit his lip, looking down for a second. Then he looked back up. "It doesn't have to be forever, Eren. Not if you don't want it to be. Maybe....just tonight?"

He sounded hopeful. 

_Oh, what the hell._

Eren smiled. "Okay. Just for tonight."

Then he pushed Marco back onto the bed.

******

"Well, Eren, introduce me to your friends," Marco said, sitting back in the chair.

"The asshole with the stupid haircut is Jean Kirstein," Eren said, gesturing at Jean, who flipped him off. 

"I've heard the name," Marco said. "Weren't you the one who stole that statue from the Duke of Orleans' palace, in the middle of a party?"

Jean's face colored. "I had help, but yeah."

"Impressive work," Marco said, smiling. Jean blushed.

"Yeah, shame he couldn't hold onto that statue," Eren said drily. 

"Go fuck yourself, Eren!"

"Language, Jean! This is a family restaurant!"

Marco, meanwhile, had turned to Armin, who had receded into himself the moment Marco walked in the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name," Marco said kindly.

"This is my....Armin," Eren said lamely. "This is Armin."

All three of them were looking at him with raised eyebrows.

_Oh, smooth Eren. Real smooth._

"Is he..." Marco started. 

"He knows what we are," Eren said quickly. 

"Not what I was going to ask," Marco said, giving him a devilish grin.

_Just what I need, another nosy Immortal._

"So, anyway," Marco said, grabbing the last pierogi off of Armin's plate and biting into it, ignoring Armin's protest, "What brings your little gang to Berlin?"

"Excalibur," Eren said simply. Marco stopped chewing and stared at him.

"You're joking," Marco said. Eren shook his head. 

"I need it. We were told you might know where it is."

Marco sighed. 

"Shall we retire to my main chambers?" he said, gesturing to his home across the street.

******

"Pixis sent you, didn't he? Of course he did, the nosy fuck. He KNOWS I've given up on this stupid project that I've already wasted TOO much time on!" 

Marco pointed a finger at Eren dramatically. "So he sends YOU here with some bullshit about how you NEED it, just to get me to help you because he knows I'm so goddamned nice!"

Marco didn't sound very nice right now. He sounded kinda pissed.

"Will you relax, Marco? Yes Pixis sent us here, but I actually do need the damn thing."

"What possible reason would you need Excalibur for, Eren?"

"Kenny Ackerman stole the Sword of Mars from Pixis."

Marco's face blanched. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"I wish I was. So can you help us?"

Marco sunk down into his desk chair. 

"Here's what you have to understand Eren. I looked for that thing for 200 years. I've got reams of research, legends, folklore, and I've gone out looking for it, I must have searched half of Britain. And all I have to show for it is a lot of wasted time and effort. So I gave it up."

Armin stepped forward then. 

"Maybe just show us what your research says? Perhaps we'll spot something you didn't with a fresh pair of eyes."

He fixed Marco with a pair of puppy dog eyes so adorable that Eren found himself choking on his tongue. He passed it off as a cough though, and didn't miss the way Marco's face softened. 

"I suppose I can do that, for you, little cinnamon roll."

He ruffled Armin's hair and stood up. Armin looked over his shoulder at Eren and Jean, his expression smug. 

_Oh my God._

Marco plunked down a heavy book on the table. "These are my compiled notes. A rather pathetic life's work, if you ask me."

Armin opened the book and started poring over it. Jean walked over to join him.

"I shall get some refreshments!" Marco said. "I don't get visitors often, we'll make an evening out of it!"

Eren accompanied him out of the office to the kitchen, where Marco prepared drinks and snacks. 

"Been a long time, Eren," Marco said as he worked. Eren nodded. "How have you been keeping?"

"Alright. Spent some time in England and some in America. Germany hasn't really felt like home since the war, you know?" 

"I know what you mean. I only moved back to Berlin after reunification. That was about when I gave up on the search for this accursed sword."

"Well if I wasn't being pursued by maniacs I wouldn't push the issue," Eren said.

"I get it," Marco said. Then he smiled mischievously. "So, you and the blonde kid?"

"What about him?"

"Don't play coy, Eren. You stick your tongue in his mouth yet?"

Eren's face reddened. He snatched a glass out of Marco's hand. "No, as a matter of fact I haven't."

"Hmm, too bad. As I recall you're pretty good at that."

Eren resisted the urge to hit him. 

"Eren, you're giving Armin the same look you gave me once. And you've drug him all the way across Europe on your dumb quest and I bet he hasn't complained once, right? That's a clue he perhaps likes you back."

"I know! It's just...complicated."

"It's always been complicated with you. Pixis told me about you, you know. How you insist on torturing yourself because of some asshole you should have hunted down and killed 300 years ago."

Eren spluttered, unable to form a coherent response.

"You know, if you had been MY boyfriend, you wouldn't have regretted it. Part of me wanted to chase after you, you know. But I respected your wishes, and I left after that night and I didn't come back. Don't waste your shot with the cinnamon roll up there, or I might scoop him up myself, got it?"

Eren threw up his hands. "Fine! I'll talk to him after all of this is over, alright?! Jesus Christ."

"Well it's a start. Anyway, tell me about the tall drink of water you brought with you."

"Jean, what about him?"

Marco leaned on the counter. "Is he single?"

"Eww, you like Jean?" 

"You're saying you don't?"

Eren made a face. "I know him too well. Yes he's single, go get him if you must. Just spare me the details."

"Well give me some advice!"

"What?" Eren said, mouth open. "You want me to tell you how to seduce Jean? I might throw up."

"You're his friend, right? You must know what he likes."

"Ugh." 

Eren knew he was being dramatic. He sighed.

"Jean likes to be in charge. But he also likes someone around that will fight him for dominance, like, all the time." He thought about their own relationship, that made about as much sense as anything. "Does that make sense? Please don't make me explain anymore."

"No I got it. Let's go back upstairs before Jean starts kissing Armin and we both get pissed."

"Wait, you're kidding right? Marco? Hey, come back!"

******

Jean and Armin were NOT, in fact, kissing when Eren and Marco came back bearing the tray of goodies. Armin was engrossed completely in the book, barely looking up when he grabbed a glass and drank from it. Jean meanwhile, was fidgeting around the edge of Armin's vision, apparently not contributing anything of use to the effort.

"So," Jean said, once everyone was settled in again. "You planning on telling us why you were running from the cops?"

Marco fixed him with a dazzling smile. "Nope."

Jean looked flustered. 

_Oh Jean, you poor sap. You never stood a chance._

Marco and Jean continued to flirt fight back and forth. Meanwhile, Eren was watching Armin. He stuck his tongue out when he was concentrating, and Eren couldn't handle it.

_Fucking fuck. They're right. They're ALL right. I'm going to have to say something. Even if he inevitably rejects me like the fool I am._

Perhaps he wasn't giving himself enough credit. After all, if the Bonerpocalypse hadn't scared Armin away, then maybe....

Armin suddenly looked up. "Hey guys, I think I found something."

The room went quiet. Marco looked over at Armin, dumbfounded.

"What?"

Armin turned the book around. "So, one of the places you have listed as 'possible burial sites of King Arthur' is Mount Etna, in Sicily. But you discounted it because..."

"Because it's an active volcano, and nobody would have buried anything there. It would have been destroyed." Marco said. 

"Right. So in these sources, Mount Etna is also referred to as Mongibello, which means "Beautiful Mountain" in Italian, and I wondered, maybe this was a mistranslation?"

"Mistranslation? I don't understand."

"Is there a mountain somewhere in Scotland that's called Beautiful Mountain? Like in Gaelic?"

Marco blinked at him for a second, then went to the bookshelf and pulled a book down. He opened it and flicked through the pages, then stopped suddenly.

"Beinn Bhreagh," Marco breathed out. "Of course. The goddamn monks would have translated it into Latin, and then everyone would have assumed they were referring to Mount Etna. It's been staring me in the face this whole time and I never realized."

"How do you know all of that?" Jean said in wonderment.

"Oh, I studied linguistics in college," Armin said, smiling shyly. 

"You're brilliant Armin!" Marco said, throwing the book he was holding down on the desk. "I could kiss you!" 

Eren glared at him. Marco just winked.

"So what now?" Armin said. 

"I know where Beinn Bhreagh is, it's in the Highlands," Marco said. "We could go there, the four of us. If there's a cave or something around there....that might be where the sword is."

"I thought you were giving up on the search for Excalibur?" Eren said. 

Marco smirked, then crossed the room to whisper in Eren's ear:

"As if I'd give up the opportunity to get into Jean's pants along the way?"

Eren retched.

******

The next morning, the party set out from Marco's house. Eren was convinced to give up his car for train tickets. 

"Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to get a Continental car into the UK?" Marco said. "All because they drive on the wrong side of the road, honestly."

"Well, what are the odds we got shot at on the train twice?" Jean said. Eren didn't want to contemplate that.

They were walking to the train station with their bags when all three Immortals were alerted to the presence of another by the Buzz. The group turned into an alleyway and found him.

"Bertholt," Marco said quietly.

"Been looking for you, Marco!" Bertholt said, sword in hand. "I'm finally going to make you pay for what you did to Reiner!"

"For the last time, Bertie, I didn't kill Reiner!" Marco protested.

"Liar!"

"Mr. Hoover," Eren said, stepping forward. Bertolt cocked his head.

"Yeager? What the hell do you want?"

"You want the man who killed Braun? You're looking at him."

"You expect me to believe you? You probably just want to protect your boyfriend there!"

Marco sighed. "We don't have time for this bullshit."

He moved fast, before anyone could react. He drew a gun from a pocket of his jacket and fired, striking Bertolt in the thigh. He fired again and hit him in the stomach. Bertholt collapsed, groaning. Marco put the gun away. 

"Sorry Bertie, you'll have to kill me another time, we've got a train to catch."

He turned on his heel and led the group out of the alleyway. 

"You're not going to kill him?" Jean said.

"That would be cheating, wouldn't it?" Marco said. "Besides, we really DON'T have time if we want to catch the morning train. To Britain, lads!" 

He led the way down the sidewalk, giggling like he HADN'T just shot a man in cold blood. 

Meanwhile, back in the alleyway, Bertholt was cursing as he drug himself to an upright position. He didn't think he was going to die, he just had to wait for the bullet wounds to heal. He chuckled thickly.

"I know someone who's looking for you, Eren Yeager," he said, still chuckling, and reached for his phone.

******

"There's blood on the floor here, but I don't see Traute anywhere," Mikasa said, completing her search of the hidden tomb under Regensburg Castle. Kenny stared at the blood on the floor, expressionless. 

"I told her to wait for us before she confronted them!" he said, kicking at a stone on the ground. "Why did she go alone?"

Levi said nothing, until he noticed something on one of the tombs.

"That tomb is marked for Eren's father," Levi said, pointing. 

"So?" Mikasa said. 

"His father isn't in there. He died at Constantinople. It's probably empty."

Understanding dawned in Mikasa eyes.

"Do you think she's in there?"

"Open it," Kenny said. 

Levi and Mikasa pushed the lid open, and were hit by the smell of decomposition almost immediately. Both were used to the sickly sweet smell by now, so they didn't gag like most mortals would have. Mikasa reached into the tomb and pushed some of the hair out of the body's face.

"Is it her?" Kenny asked. Mikasa turned and nodded.

Kenny walked over to the tomb and stared down at the body of Traute Caven. His mouth twitched, but otherwise betrayed no emotion.

"Close it," he said. Once they had done so, he pulled the Statue of Lazarus out of his pocket and set it on top of the tomb, resting his hand on top of it for a second before drawing away.

Kenny's phone rang then. He talked for a minute, then hung up with a "I owe you one, Bertolt."

"They're in Berlin. Taking a train to Britain. We're going to the airport."

"We're still going after them?" Mikasa said. "Even though we don't need...."

"Now it's a personal matter," Kenny said. "I'm going to find him, make him watch as I kill everyone he loves, and THEN I'll take his Head, the impudent motherfucker."

"But what about...."

"We still have time," Kenny cut her off. "Now let's go."

Levi lingered behind Kenny and Mikasa as they descended the ladder back into the tunnel. Once they were out of sight, he swiped the Statue of Lazarus from the top of the tomb and put it away where Kenny wouldn't see it.

_I mean, if HE doesn't want it anymore....._


	13. Hotel Reminiscence

_Eren did this on purpose,_ Jean thought bitterly. It was a few days after they'd left Berlin, and they were staying in a dingy hotel somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. The next day, they were going out to the "Beautiful Mountain" to see if they could locate a cave that may or may not contain King Arthur's tomb and his magical sword. 

As to what Eren had done on purpose, all Jean had to do was look across from him where Marco was walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and he got even more irritated. 

_Marco is Eren's friend, goddammit. HE should be rooming with him, instead, he's cozily shacked up with Armin down the hall, leaving me with this dude I don't even know. And for what? So Yeager can clumsily try to put moves on that kid like a teenager._

Jean sighed heavily and laid back on his bed. Marco looked over at him, quirking his eyebrow up.

"Something the matter?"

Jean just stared at the ceiling. Marco came over and sat down cross legged on his own bed, now dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. 

"You know, I may not be an expert in reading nonverbal cues, but I'm getting the distinct impression you aren't happy to be rooming with me."

Jean looked up at him. Marco was giving him a disarming smile. 

"I just....I know why Eren is sharing a room with Armin." Jean was fully aware of how petty he sounded. 

"You mean because Eren is crushing on him?" Marco said. 

"Is it that obvious?"

"Jean if it were any more obvious, Eren would probably explode."

Jean chuckled.

"Sooo...." Marco leaned forward on his elbows. "You think they're fucking in there?"

Jean scoffed. "You don't know the kid like I do. He's far too bashful to do something like that in a hotel room."

"And Eren is too much of a gentleman anyway," Marco continued.

"Exactly."

"Alright, why does Eren's reason for rooming with Armin irritate you so much? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Of who? Armin isn't exactly my type, Marco."

"Is Eren your type?"

Jean laughed out loud at THAT thought. "Eww, no. Eren is insufferable enough as it is. If I slept with him, he'd be even worse."

Then Jean stopped. "I don't know why I'm talking about this with you. No offense, but I don't know you."

"That's fair. So why don't we get to know each other then?"

Jean shrugged. "If you like. How did you meet Eren then?"

Marco told Jean a wild story about how Marco and Eren had liberated 50 kids from a Nazi concentration camp in 1943, as cover for smuggling a rocket scientist out of the country. It sounded a little far fetched, but then again, so did half the shit HE'D gotten up to in his long life. 

"Alright, I've told you mine, now you have to tell me yours, Jean. How did YOU meet Eren?"

Jean chuckled. "Well Marco, it would seem that Eren has a bit of a penchant for rescuing children....."

******

_The Tower of London, 1483_

_The things that I do for King and Country,_ Jean grumbled to himself. He was crouched low, walking slowly so as to not generate noise, in a sewer. An abandoned sewer, according to the informant he'd paid off, but still, the distinct odor of human waste assaulted Jean's nose as he moved forward. 

Fortunately, he was almost there. He was on an incline now, having traversed most of the underground passageway that started at the Thames and ended (hopefully) in the White Tower. It seemed like he was in the right place as he clambered out of the uncovered hole in the floor. He was in some kind of unused antechamber, nothing here but the hole and the musty smell of disuse. 

_Now I must find the room where the Princes are kept._

Jean listened carefully at the door for any signs of activity outside, and hearing none, gently opened the door, which still squealed too loudly for Jean's taste. He crept along the passageways, alert for any movement. It was strange, Jean would have expected to encounter someone by now. It was almost like....

The Buzz sounding in Jean's head was the literal last thing he expected. 

_Fuck! If they have an Immortal posing as one of the guards, I am as good as caught!_

He made to draw his sword, but before he could do so, he was seized around the middle of his waist and thrown bodily through a doorway, landing with a thud on the floor. He looked up at his assailant, a brunette haired man brandishing a sword at him.

"Who in the FUCK are you?" the man hissed at him in a low voice.

"I could ask you the same," Jean retorted. "You are not one of the Tower Guards."

"Neither are you. And since I am the one holding the sword, you'll answer me first."

"Sir Jean de Cerisier, if you MUST know."

The man cocked his head in confusion. "You are French?"

"And you are German."

"Otto of Bavaria," the man said, inclining his head. "I am guessing that you are not here to kill me."

"That depends on why YOU are here, Otto of Bavaria," Jean said snidely. 

Otto sighed and sheathed his sword. "We cannot fight here, it would attract too much attention."

"So you are not working with the Tower Guards?" Jean said. "You will not call upon them?"

"Sir Jean, I am here to rescue the Princes from their imprisonment, at the orders of my Emperor. Calling upon the guards would not be a productive endeavor."

Jean let out a quiet chuckle as he got to his feet.

"I'm sorry, what is funny?"

"The King of France has asked me here on the exact same mission, Otto. It would seem that the King of England intends to murder his nephews to ensure they cannot challenge his right to wear the crown."

Otto flashed him a smile. "Then it would appear our purposes coincide."

He held out a hand. "Shall we be allies then, Sir Jean de Cerisier?"

Jean looked at him, and decided he liked him. He took the offered hand. 

"I suppose we shall, Otto of Bavaria. That name is rather awkward, by the way."

"I know, I am thinking about changing it."

******

"And the rest, as they say, is history," Jean said, leaning back on his bed. 

"Wait a minute. The Princes in the Tower? YOU were the reason they disappeared?"

Jean chuckled. "Yes. King Richard III was going to kill them. Eren and I got them out of the Tower and smuggled them to France. I'm not sure what happened to them afterwards but I assume they lived quiet lives. I hope they were happy, they didn't look very happy in the Tower, for obvious reasons."

"Aww, you're such a softie," Marco teased. 

"Please. I did it for the money. And there was a LOT of money." 

"I don't buy that. Nobody crawls through a shit pipe just for money, especially not an Immortal."

"Okay fine, there may be some softness in here. But you can't tell Eren. It would sully my reputation."

Marco smiled. "I suppose you'll have to bribe me then to keep me quiet."

"I'm afraid the gold from the Tower of London heist is long spent, Marco."

"Not what I had in mind." In a flash, Marco was out of his bed and on top of Jean, straddling his hips. 

"To tell you the truth, I'M the one that insisted on the sleeping arrangements Jean."

Jean quirked an eyebrow. "You said I was a stick in the mud."

"And you are! But I like you anyway."

Jean sighed. "You know, the last Immortal that wanted to sleep with me ended up stabbing me in the back. Rather literally."

Marco chuckled. "You Immortals and your complicated feelings. Eren told me the same thing once, and I'll tell you the same thing I told him: just for tonight? And then we can go from there?"

_You know, if I get laid tonight, and Eren doesn't, I can totally rub THAT in his stupid face._

"Do your worst, Marco....wait, do you have a last name? You can't be just Marco."

Marco sighed and carded his hands through his hair. "It's Polo."

"Polo?" Jean said. "Your name is Marco Polo? Wait.....like THE Marco Polo?"

"I can speak fluent Mongolian, would you like to hear it?"

"Oh my God, shut up and fuck me already."

******

Eren knocked on the door to Jean and Marco's hotel room.

"Go away, Eren!" came the irritated voice of Jean behind the door.

"Now how could you possibly have known it was me?" Eren said.

"Because literally only you would be trying to interrupt me right now. Now go away!"

Eren chuckled and walked back to his own room that he was sharing with Armin.

"Yeah they're definitely fucking," he announced when he got back in.

"You didn't walk in on them, did you?" Armin asked, looking horrified.

"No, and thank God for that. I don't think my brain could handle the picture of Jean naked."

Eren shuddered.

"So I guess that means they don't want to have dinner with us," Armin said, smiling.

"Probably not, no. Do you just want to order pizza?"

Armin agreed and they ordered up a delivery to their room.

"I can't say I've ever had Scottish pizza before," Eren said. "I wonder how the haggis will taste on top."

Eren chuckled at the scandalized look on Armin's face. "I'm kidding. I'm sure it tastes the same as pizza most everywhere else."

Armin rolled his eyes and laid back on the bed. Eren saw him fidgeting with something around his neck, and not for the first time either. Eren craned his neck to look. It was a necklace, on it was a....

"Key? What's the key for?" Eren said

Armin was startled. He sat up in bed and looked across at Eren.

"You're nosy, you know that?"

"I prefer the term inquisitive."

Armin rolled his eyes again. "I don't normally like talking about it, but what the hell. When I was 8, I was kidnapped. This key was for the room I was kept in."

"Kidnapped? Goodness, what happened?"

"Well, it's a long story. The gist of it was, my parents owed somebody money, and they took me as collateral to make sure they paid it back."

Eren's heart clenched painfully at the thought of someone stealing little Armin. And all the implications of that....

"Did they....hurt you?"

One look at Armin's face told Eren everything he needed to know, his heart dropped.

"Nevermind, you don't have to tell me. Sorry if I'm bringing up painful memories."

"It's okay," Armin said quietly. "I feel like I WANT to tell you, you know?"

"How did you get away? Did your parents pay up?"

Armin shook his head. "I never saw them again after that. My grandfather, when he found out what happened, he sent someone after the kidnappers. Someone he knew from the Watchers I guess. I didn't see what happened, but the guy got me out of there and took me to my grandfather."

The blood was suddenly rushing through Eren's ears, a deafening roar. Armin's grandfather was a Watcher. The pieces of the story Armin had told him were suddenly dropping into place. 

_It can't be!_

But it was.

"Armin," Eren said slowly, "I KNOW you."

******

_London, 15 years earlier_

Eren didn't even know why he bothered trying to cook anymore. As he scraped what was supposed to be chicken marsala off the blackened pan and into the trash can, the smoke detector went off, AGAIN. Despite the fact that Eren had all the windows open. With a cry of frustration, Eren threw the entire pan into the trash can and yanked the smoke detector off of the ceiling. He took the battery out, silencing the infernal thing once and for all. Then, for good measure, he threw the device in the garbage as well. 

_Why can't I find an Immortal that's a Michelin starred chef? I could kill him and THEN maybe I could get a decent meal. Guess it's pizza again, Eren!_

There was a loud knocking at the door. Eren went to answer, not sure who it was but knowing they weren't an Immortal, since no Buzz had gone off.

Eren opened the door to find his Watcher. The old man was even more secretive than most members of the organization. He refused to give Eren his name, not even an alias. So Eren had taken to calling him Mr. Chips.

The look on Mr. Chips' face told Eren this wasn't a social call.

"What's the matter?" he said.

"Eren," the man said, sounding frantic, "It's my grandson."

******

"My daughter has always been foolish, especially once she got hooked up with that boyfriend of hers. My grandson's father. He got her hooked on heroin and now...."

He told Eren a horrific tale, of how Mr. Chips daughter and her boyfriend had SOLD their own son to drug dealers to be able to afford more drugs. 

"I only found out about it when the school called, asking why he had been absent for a week. A week, Eren!"

"Did you contact the police?" Eren asked.

"Of course I did. But they're useless. I found out where the damn drug dealers are, but they won't DO anything! Claim I don't have any evidence the boy is there! They don't care, Eren, it's just some junkie's kid, right? But Eren, he's all I have left. I gave the Watchers everything I had, too much of myself. I failed my own daughter because I wasn't there for her. And now my grandson is going to pay for my failures too."

Mr. Chips was openly weeping now. Eren put a hand on his shoulder.

"You said you knew where the dealers were."

The man looked up at him.

"Eren, I couldn't ask you to...."

Eren put a hand up to stop him. "You don't have to ask me to. Now tell me where they are."

******

_God, does ALL of Sheffield smell like this?_

Eren walked carefully down an alleyway, avoiding the used needles, used condoms, and vomit that littered the ground. Trash was piled up everywhere. He guessed the sanitation department was too afraid to visit this part of town.

_221B, that's it._

He knocked on the door of the dingy looking flat with boarded up windows. A beefy looking man that resembled a bouncer answered the door.

"Yeah, is Reggie there?"

"Ain't no Reggie that lives here, mate."

"Aww, too bad, now I have nowhere to put this."

The man made a sudden gurgling sound as the knife in Eren's hand put a hole in his windpipe. He collapsed to the ground, the knife still stuck in his throat.

"Oh, I guess there works," Eren said mildly. He looked into the flat, where three startled men were looking at him. One of them was reaching for a gun.

"Don't!" Eren said, pointing at him. The man paused, then reached again. Eren sighed, and wiped his coat aside to draw his weapon, a pump action shotgun with a shortened barrel. 

BAM. The blast of the shotgun caught the man full in the chest, and he went flying backwards. The "chi chi" sound of Eren working the action filled the room, as he turned to the other two.

"I'll ask again. Where is Reggie?"

His question seemed to snap them out of their daze, and they both tried to draw weapons. In five seconds, Eren had shot them both. 

_The fucker must be in here somewhere._

He made his way to the kitchen. He kicked the door and it snapped open, smacking the man hiding behind it in a vain attempt to ambush Eren. He reeled backwards, and Eren caught him with the butt of his shotgun, causing him to collapse. 

"Now, YOU must be Reggie," Eren said. 

"What the fuck do you want?" Reggie snarled at him.

"Where's the kid, Reggie?"

"Kid? What kid? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You really gonna try and lie to me right now, Reggie?" 

Eren put the barrel of the shotgun right under Reggie's chin, the hot barrel burning the skin there.

"You're going to tell me where you're keeping the kid you bought, or I'm going to decorate the walls of this room with a new color called Hint of Brain."

"Alright!" The man said, panicking. "He's in the bedroom! You can have him!"

"Good boy. Now, if I find out you've done anything like this again, I'm going to come back here. And it will take a LONG time for you to die. Understand Reggie?"

Then he hit the dealer in the head with the butt of the gun, knocking him unconscious. 

He walked out of the kitchen, and a shot hit the wall next to him. There was another man who'd apparently been in the bathroom shooting at Eren. He leveled the shotgun and BAM! No more man.

The bedroom was on the other side of the flat. He kicked this door open as well, but there was no one there to ambush him. All he saw was the frightened face of a boy, half hidden behind blonde hair, one wrist handcuffed to the frame of the bed he was on.

"Please," the boy said in a quiet voice. "Please don't hurt me again."

Eren lowered the gun. "I'm not here to hurt you son. Your grandfather sent me to get you."

The boy looked at him, clearly skeptical.

"Remember when he told you that if you were ever in trouble, he would send one of the men who carried swords to rescue you?"

"That isn't a sword though. That's a gun."

"Fair enough."

Eren dropped the shotgun and reached behind him, unsheathing the sword he was carrying. The boy's eyes widened. 

"Do you believe me now, kiddo?"

"Can you....take me to him?"

"You bet. Let's get out of here."

******

"Grandfather!"

The boy ran to the old man, hugging him fiercely. 

"Oh, my boy, thank God you're safe."

Mr. Chips was crying again, though for a different reason this time. 

"I didn't believe you when you talked about the men with swords, Grandfather, but it's true! He showed it to me!"

The old man looked up at Eren. "I don't know how I can ever thank you."

"I told you, you don't have to. If you want my advice though, I'd say it's probably time to retire. I think I've had enough of English weather anyway, I'm moving back to America."

"You're a good man, Eren. One of the best I've ever known."

Eren just smiled. "Goodbye, Mr. Chips."

Then he turned and walked away, without another word. Over his shoulder, he heard "You've been waiting to use that line for TEN YEARS!" 

******

"That....it was you?" Armin said faintly.

Eren just nodded. "I always wondered what had happened you. I'm glad to see you all grown up."

Armin leapt across the bed, hugging Eren tightly.

"My grandfather never told me who you were," he said, the sound muffled by Eren's shirt. "He said if I wanted to meet the man who rescued me, I would have to find out for myself."

Armin broke away and looked at Eren. "This key, I had it in my pocket when you got me out of there. I was going to use it to try and escape if I ever got out of the handcuffs. Afterwards, I was going to throw it away, but....I don't know, I thought it was better to carry it with me, as a reminder."

"Later, I decided that I would give it to the man who rescued me, if I ever found him. I couldn't think of a better way to thank them."

Armin took the necklace off, and before Eren could say anything, he had put it over Eren's own neck, the key thumping against Eren's collarbone.

"Thank you, Eren," Armin said.

"You're welcome, Armin."

Armin's face suddenly colored. "God, why are you so perfect?"

Eren laughed. "It is indeed a heavy burden I carry, but someone has to do it."

Armin rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. "Can I....can I kiss you, Eren?'

Now it was Eren's turn to blush. "Why would you want to do something like that?"

"Because I like you, dummy."

Then Armin suddenly leaned forward, and their lips connected, and Eren had never had a heart attack before, but he was pretty sure this is what it felt like. And he was strangely okay with that.


	14. An Ugly Time on Beautiful Mountain

"Are you sure we have to do this today?" Jean complained. They had just parked their car at the base of the Beautiful Mountain, whose Gaelic name Eren refused to even pronounce. Nobody else was there, presumably because of the miserable conditions.

"Ah, it's good Scottish weather, madam. The rain is falling straight down, er, slightly to the side like," Eren said, doing his best (terrible) Mel Gibson impression. Marco and Armin both snickered while Jean turned to look at him.

"You're mocking me," Jean said flatly.

"What was your first clue, genius? It's rain, not volcanic ash, how old are you?"

"Can we focus, please?" Marco said. "Let's just get out there. The sooner we start, the sooner we can get out of the rain."

"Who are you kidding?" Jean said bitterly, "We're going to have to spend all day out in the rain."

"Eren's right, Jean dear. You ARE a baby."

Eren laughed at the look on Jean's face, then got out of the car, followed by the rest of the group. They were identically kitted out in hiking boots, backpacks, and camo colored rain ponchos. The three Immortals also had their swords strapped to the sides of their packs. Armin had asked if he should carry a sword too, you know, just to be like everyone else in the group. Then he'd laughed at the look Eren gave him. 

The boy continually surprised Eren, and he was falling and falling HARD. They hadn't gone beyond making out in the hotel room the night before, but by the look Armin had been giving him, more was a distinct possibility in the near future. Eren really wanted to see what Armin looked like beneath those damn sweaters he wore all the time.

But, now wasn't the time for that, they had a mission here. They gathered in a group around Marco, who was the unofficial leader of this expedition. 

"Have you been here before?" Eren asked.

"Not this particular peak, but I've been in the area. This is not a particularly challenging climb, we can walk up there in a couple hours. We should start at the top and work our way down, circling around the mountain."

"And what are we looking for?" Armin asked.

"A cave, or a crack, or something. I can't say for sure, I think we'll know it when we see it."

"Well doesn't that narrow it down?" Jean grumbled.

******

The weather got no better as the day went on. Low hanging clouds wrapped around them like a blanket, being cut through by the rain. Eren had been soaked like this many times before, but not in awhile. He wasn't worried about himself, or Jean and Marco, but he kept looking to Armin to make sure he was keeping up alright. He seemed to be bearing the conditions well though, and didn't complain, which automatically made him better than Jean.

They had made it to the top of Beautiful Mountain, which wasn't exactly beautiful at the moment, unless you were looking to film a funeral scene in a movie, that is. All you needed was a sad piano solo to complete the ambiance. They'd spent the last few hours stumbling around looking for something, ANYTHING, that looked like a cave. 

"This is stupid!" Jean said, flopping down on a rock ledge. "If there were a cave around here, someone would have found it and stolen whatever was inside by now!" 

"Not if it was hidden," Marco pointed out.

"If it was hidden that well, then how the hell are WE going to find it?" Jean said.

Eren hated to admit it, but Jean had a point. He was starting to wonder if this trip was even a good idea. It could take them days or weeks to search this mountain and they still might not find anything.

What the hell was he even DOING here? Stuck on top of a mountain in the middle of Scotland in the pouring rain, looking for a magic sword to defeat a magical asshole, instead of playing video games at home. It was bullshit.

"Hey guys?" It was Armin. "Come take a look at this."

Eren and the others looked over at Armin, who was looking at a boulder leaning against the side of the sheer rock wall. Eren walked over to Armin, Marco and Jean trailing behind. 

"Doesn't this boulder look a little...out of place to you?"

It did look rather odd. There weren't any other rocks around, the boulder itself was gigantic and fairly round, if it had rolled off the top of the wall above you would have expected it to break into pieces.

"Shit, look at the opening in the wall above the boulder," Marco said. 

"Jean, give me a boost," Eren said. Jean helped him climb to the top of the boulder, where sure enough there was a space about six inches wide in the wall above where the boulder ended. He crouched down and shined a flashlight into the opening.

"Well I'll be damned. It widens out, there's a goddamn cave behind this boulder, someone deliberately put this fucking thing here to hide it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because there's some kind of paintings on the cave walls," Eren reported.

"Sonofabitch," Marco mumbled. "But how do we move this damn thing? It must weigh 10 tons!"

Jean, being Jean, started pushing on it with his bare hands. Predictably, nothing happened.

"Okay, Sisyphus," Eren said, sliding down off the boulder. "I've got a pickaxe in my pack. We could hack it apart."

"I've got dynamite," Marco offered. "That would be faster."

"Why do you have...nevermind. I'd rather not draw attention to us if we can avoid it," Eren said. "Blowing things up tends to attract attention."

"As you like," Marco said. 

******

Armin was sulking. He'd wanted to help the others with dislodging the boulder, but they wouldn't let him. Jean actually said "We can't risk damaging Eren's precious twink," which was twice as insulting as the first time he'd called Armin that. So now he was sitting by the rock ledge, admiring the view, such as it was.

A flash of something shiny caught Armin's attention. He looked down, and there it was again. There were people climbing up the mountain. Three of them. That was strange, Armin didn't think anyone else was stupid enough to brave the weather out here today for a mountain stroll. Unless....

Armin took the binoculars he had out of his pack and focused on the party moving their way.

_Oh shit!_

"Guys get over here! We've got company!" Armin shouted, getting to his feet. Eren and Marco jogged over, leaving Jean to work the boulder. He handed Eren the binoculars and pointed. Eren swore. 

"It's the Ackermans," he said. "How the hell did they even find us?"

"We can worry about that later," Marco said. "Here, take the dynamite, we're going to have to blow the rock up now. I'll hold them off."

Eren took the dynamite from Marco and went back to Jean. Armin watched as Marco pulled a black case out of his pack, and started assembling a rifle, slotting the pieces together quickly.

"How is that going to do any good when they're Immortal?" Armin asked.

"I'm not trying to kill them, I'm trying to slow them down. It takes at least a few minutes to recover from an injury, it'll buy us time to finish what we're doing. Keep your head down, Armin, just in case they shoot back."

******

"Levi, go around back, to the other path, try to cut them off if they escape that way," Kenny said, pointing. Levi sighed and trudged off. 

"We have today only, Kenny," Mikasa said. "Whether or not we get them today, we need to go to Japan tomorrow. If you make me go alone I'll be very unhappy."

Kenny gave her a look. "Don't presume to threaten me Mikasa. I live up to my promises, and I told you we will get to Japan on time."

"Fine. Just as long as we understand each other."

There was a sudden crack above them, and Mikasa went down, yelling "FUCK!" She'd been shot in the leg. Another crack, and pain exploded into Kenny's ribcage. He collapsed.

"Motherfucker's sniping at us!" Mikasa hissed. 

_Oh Yeager, before I kill you I'm going to cut your balls off for this one_ , Kenny thought. The last thing he heard before passing out was a tremendous bang that shook the ground underneath him.

******

"Fire in the hole!" Eren shouted, then depressed the plunger. The explosion vibrated the ground and blew chunks of rock in all directions. All four of them had taken shelter behind a 5 foot tall shelf of rock 35 feet away from the blast, Marco joining them with his rifle slung over his shoulder. When the dust cleared, they saw the rock had been neatly cleaved in two, falling away from the opening to the cave. 

"Watch for any rockfalls from the wall above," Marco warned. "I'm going to pin them down as long as I can. You guys go in there and see if you can find Excalibur."

He jogged back over to the edge where he'd been stationed before. leveling his rifle and suddenly firing again. Eren, Jean, and Armin went over to the cave. They all shined flashlights into it. It was dark and water dripped into it, and the smell of cordite burned Eren's nostrils. He squared his shoulders and marched into the cave.

The cave was musty from lack of clean air. They didn't see any bats hanging from the ceiling, or any other creatures. The paintings on the walls glittered as the light hit them. They depicted grand battles and heroic deeds. Arthurian legends, Eren realized. He began to get excited. This had to be the right place. 

The cave wound around a corner, and Eren saw something strange. 

"Is that a light down there?" Jean said. "Switch off your flashlights."

They did, and sure enough, there was a glow coming from the end of the passageway. 

_What the hell is this?_

He plunged ahead anyway, knowing that their time was short. The light came closer and closer, and then, Eren stiffened. The Buzz rippled through him, one look at Jean confirmed he felt it too. He wrenched his sword free from his pack and whirled around, shining the light back down the way they came. But there was no one there, and there was nowhere for anyone to hide close enough that the Buzz would have gone off. That meant.....it was coming from the path in front of them.

_Wait a minute...._

Jean had drawn his sword too. Eren nodded in the direction of the light and Jean nodded back. They all turned off their lights again and walked more slowly towards the light. 

The passageway curved again, and suddenly they emerged into a brightly lit room. Candles and torches illuminated every surface of the room, which was richly decorated with tapestries and furniture from the High Middle Ages. But Eren's attention was drawn to a figure seated on a golden throne opposite them. He was looking right at them with sharp eyes, holding a glittering sword point downward. And, to Eren's shock, there was a crown on his head.

Armin gasped. Eren heard Jean say "It can't be...."

"King Arthur," Eren breathed.


	15. The Duel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm back! I'm all moved into my new house, and the Internet is functioning, so it's storytime again!

"So, after 1,000 years, someone at last has come to challenge me," the king said, getting to his feet. "About time too, I feared I was to go mad in here."

"You are Arthur?" Eren said, eyeing the sword in the other man's hand warily.

"I am," Arthur replied. "And you are?"

"I was once Duke Otto of Bavaria, now, I am simply Eren Yeager."

Arthur nodded. "I see the look in your eyes, you are the one who has come to claim my crown."

"It is not your crown I am interested in," Eren said. "Someone like us, an Immortal, has stolen an extremely powerful sword and will use it to unleash a great evil upon the land. The only weapon that can stop him is Excalibur. We need your sword, Arthur."

Arthur chuckled. "You cannot have it, Eren Yeager."

Eren frowned. "And why not?"

"I could not give it to you, no matter how much I might want to. An Immortal that is not the rightful owner of Excalibur would not even be able to lift the sword, much less wield it. No, the only way for you to claim this sword is to defeat me in a duel and take my head."

Eren blanched. Kill King Arthur? He'd done a lot of fucked up things in his long life, but THAT? 

"I do not wish to kill you," Eren said. "Come with us then. If you are the only one to wield Excalibur we will need your help."

Arthur shook his head. "I have been trapped here for too long. My enemies buried me alive in this cave because they feared my power, my inability to die like other men. I cannot leave now, your world would be too foreign for me, I'm sure. I can tell just by the clothes you wear. Killing me would be a kindness. If you want the power of Excalibur on your side, Eren Yeager, you must fight for it. It is our way, after all."

Eren swore. They didn't have time for this, but what choice did they have? He turned to Jean.

"I'm going to have to fight him. If I fall...."

"I will avenge you," Jean said, seriously. "I will fight Kenny and stop him, but don't make me do that, Yeager."

Eren shrugged off his backpack. Armin came forward and grabbed his non sword hand in both of his.

"Be careful Eren, please?"

Eren flashed him a smile he hoped looked reassuring. "I've made it this far, haven't I Armin? Just stay close to Jean, okay?"

Letting go of Armin was hard, but he had to, and turned to Arthur, who had adopted a fighting stance, Excalibur glinting in the light of the candles. Eren remembered the last time he was faced with one of these legendary swords, and despite what he'd told Armin, he was worried that he was walking towards his death with no bridge to jump off this time to get away.

"Your sword will break mine," Eren said as he approached the king. "This is hardly a fair contest."

"If your heart is pure, your blade will not break."

_What kind of cryptic philosophical bullshit is that?_

Eren swung his blade in front of him, realizing that this was the first time he was using it since he'd killed his brother with it over 800 years ago. He inwardly chuckled at the weirdness of it all.

"By your leave, Your Majesty," Eren said. 

Arthur smiled, and then swung overhand, faster than Eren expected, though he was able to parry the blow without much difficulty. It was a close quarters duel, since there wasn't a lot of room to manuever in the cave. Eren was amazed that a guy who'd apparently spent the last thousand years trapped in a single room could still be so deadly with a blade.

_I wonder how much of that is the man and how much of it is the magic of Excalibur._

Still, it didn't feel like when he fought Kenny. He didn't feel like he was being beaten down, like he was significantly slower than his opponent. Most important of all, he wasn't afraid. His old sword was holding up well, it had all the balance he remembered and didn't look to be in danger of breaking. 

Eren lost himself in the fight, his world reduced to the man in front of him and his immediate surroundings. There was no Kenny, no Levi, Armin, Jean, Marco, there was only Arthur, the man he had to beat. 

The old king overreached himself on a thrust and Eren saw his chance. With a flick of the wrist, he twirled his blade around Arthur's, and with a flourish, sent Excalibur flying through the air, spearing point down into the ground ten feet away. Eren pointed his blade at the now disarmed Arthur.

"So it is finished," the king said, smiling. "Now you must finish it."

"I do not want to kill you, Arthur. I have no quarrel with you." Eren said sadly.

"You would have made an excellent Knight of the Round Table, Eren Yeager," Arthur said. "But you should know that in order to serve the people, good men must sometimes do terrible things. Do not try to deny that your soul is crying out for you to slay me, and claim my essence for your own."

"There can be only one," Eren said softly.

"Just so," Arthur said. "Now please, I am asking you. Let me go on to see my friends again. And then take Excalibur and do what you must."

Eren grimaced and turned away from the king. Then, with a strangled yell, he whirled around, swinging the sword in a vicious slash that decapitated the other man. His sword clattered to the ground at the same time as the king's body did. He felt the surge of the Quickening preparing to overtake him as he stumbled towards where Excalibur was embedded into the ground. Just as he was reaching for the handle of the blade, the blue lightning crackled and flew everywhere, emanating from Arthur's body and flowing into Eren. It was powerful, more so than usual, the Quickening destroyed the furniture in the room, ricocheting off the stone walls with increasing force. Vaguely Eren was aware that Jean was pushing Armin back into the passageway to protect him from the arcing electric bursts. 

Eren cried out as the bolts hit him again and again, as the light of King Arthur embedded itself into Eren's body. He fell to his knees and threw both arms out wide, sinking into the feeling. With one final rumble, at last, it was over. Eren's ears rang as he looked around at the destroyed room. As usual, Arthur's body was gone. Only the sword remained. He reached out to grasp the handle of Excalibur and with surprising ease pulled it from the ground to hold it in his hands. It felt so GOOD. 

Eren laughed shakily. "I can't believe it. It's mine!"

Then he immediately blacked out.

******

Jean swore as he saw Eren collapse to the ground. He and Armin rushed into the room to Eren's side. 

"He's passed out," Jean said. "I've never seen this happen after a Quickening before. It must be because of the sword, like a transfer of power thing overwhelmed him."

"Is he going to be alright?" Armin said worriedly.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Jean said. "We'll just have to wait for him to wake up. But we can't do it here, we have to go."

He reached out for Excalibur, where Eren had dropped it. To his great surprise, it was like the blade suddenly weighed 10 tons. He was unable to lift it. 

"Armin can you pick this up?" Surprisingly again, Armin could. 

_Apparently the Sword in the Stone myth only applies to Immortals. Only the rightful owner can lift it. And now, that's Eren._

"Alright. Take that, and Eren's sword, and his backpack. I'm going to carry Sleeping Beauty out of here."

It took them longer than he would have liked to get through the passageway. Jean was worried about Marco. And by extension, the rest of them, if Kenny and the Ackermans caught up to them. Eren was clearly in no fit state to fight, and Jean and Marco wouldn't stand a chance against Kenny and his Sword of Mars without him.

"Why do you have to be so heavy, you fat bitch?" Jean grumbled as he plodded around the last bend and out of the cave. The pouring rain was a shock to his skin and he shivered.

"Jean!" Marco came running up to them. "What happened to Eren? The Ackermans are almost here, I don't know how much longer I can stall them!"

"It's a long story, the bottom line is, we got Excalibur, and we should go now."

Marco's jaw set in a line. "You two go. Get Eren out of here. I'm going to hold them off a while longer so you can get away."

"What are you talking about?" Jean said incredulously. "You won't stand a chance! We still have...."

"You having to carry him is going to slow you down!" Marco insisted. "They'll catch all of us unless I buy you more time. Eren is the only one that can stop him, and I owe him my life. It's time to return the favor."

"But...Marco," Jean said, pleading, "What....what about us?"

Marco gave him a sad smile. "Maybe in the next lifetime, Jean dear. Now, you have to go. Go!"

Jean closed his eyes, unable to look anymore, then turned away and began to jog towards the back mountain trail. Armin lingered a little longer, giving Marco a sad look, then he turned and followed.

Jean looked back once, and saw Marco drawing his sword and heading down the opposite side of the mountain. Then he was gone out of sight, and Jean knew that he'd never see him again.

******

Marco felt the Buzz coarse through him as Kenny and Mikasa rounded the bend in the trail. They looked very much worse for wear, with bullet holes in their clothing and haggard expressions.

"Who the fuck are you?" Kenny hissed.

"Name's Marco. You look like a Kenny. Am I right?" Marco smiled at him sweetly.

Mikasa's eyes narrowed. "You're the one who's been shooting at us."

"Guilty. See, from up there, you looked like deer. Couldn't pass up an opportunity like that, you know?"

Kenny gritted his teeth. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me where Eren Yeager is, are you?"

"Tell you what, you let me have the Sword of Mars, and I'll tell you where Eren is."

"That's cute. You're cute. Mikasa, I hate cute."

Mikasa stepped forward, drawing her blade.

"Me too."

******

The blast of the Quickening could be felt all over the mountain. To normal people, it would be mistaken for lightning, but Jean knew what it was. He could feel it in his very soul. Marco was gone.

The jolt seemed to shake Eren awake too. 

"What? Where am I? What was that?"

"You blacked out after you picked up Excalibur," Armin explained. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I mean, I feel okay now, my head feels weird though. Jean, was that Quickening?"

"Marco," Jean said quietly. "He stayed behind to give us time to escape."

"Shit," Eren said. "I'm sorry Jean."

"So am I."

They started hiking again, only to have the Buzz rip through them suddenly, scaring the bejeezus out of Jean. From behind a boulder in front of them, Levi Ackerman stepped into view, sword in hand. 

"Hello Eren. Did you miss me?"


End file.
